Saturday, September 3, 2011

A Poem That Rhymes Sometimes

Once there was a clam whose name was Pam
Who wished that she was a lamb
Her friends just laughed and said "hot damn"
Because that's kind of weird

She would eat grass and go "Ba ba"
Her friends would jeer and say "Ha ha"
Then she's start to sing "La la"
Because also she was a pretty good singer

Soon she started wearing wool
Which the other clams did not think cool
Wool tends to get wet when you live in a tidepool
And also, like most other clams, wool didn't look very good on her

After a while she left to live with some lambs
Who themselves all wished they were clams
She just sighed and threw up her hands
And said, "Shit!"


I've lost four followers in the past week. What happened? Was it the naked lady? I thought that would get me MORE followers, not scare any away. What, were there some ladies frightened off because they found themselves getting aroused by that picture? I bet that's it. I know I got aroused by it. And I don't feel guilty either.

I need to figure out a way who generate more followers. I have a list of a dozen goals for this year, and one of them is to reach 200 followers on The Nerd Archives. That's being realistic. Ideally, I'd like to reach at least five bajillion or so by the end of the year. But 200 would be the bare minumum. And I need to increase traffic on this site by a lot!!! Any ideas for how?

You guys really are awesome, though. I think I'm going to write a post dedicated to the sheer awesomeness of my readers. You know the Bible? It's going to be TWICE that long. Wait no. THREE TIMES that long.

Movie Quote of the Day: "Hope you like prison food...and penis." -Fosse, The Other Guys

That Blond Guy

17 people secretly have a crush on me:

That Bastard From Bellingham said...

Unfollowing? I've just been busy as hell, ergo why the lack of commentary from myself...can't speak for anyone else.

L. said...

You need followers? Dude, I got psyched because I hit 18 followers. 18 people read what I write and don't hate me. That's freaking awesome.

145 is freaking awesome as well.

I liked your poem.

Bookish.Spazz said...

Yup. I bet that's why people spontaneously unfollowed you... Suspiciously, I gained 4 new followers recently...


I'm sure both accounts are unrelated.

As for generating more followers? IDK.

Anonymous said...

My Rhinoceros poem is surprisingly relevant to this post.
The rhinoceros has crescent horns
Which rest upon its head-
The rhinoceros has crescent horns
Which fill people with dread.

Last night the rhino, in his pen,
About to go to bed,
Saw as he lay down to sleep
A subtle flash of red.

The zookeeper was tired and
Had not for days been fed-
His keys fell from his loosened belt
And then away he tread.

The rhino, sensing a quite nice
Opportunity, sped
Upon his three-toed feet he moved
Stopping to grab some bread.

My uncle, very far away,
Tossed within his bed;
He had realized he hadn’t bought
The gourmet platter spread.

He quickly hopped into his car,
And this is what he said:
“How terrible this must occur
The week my mother’s wed.”

Suddenly his car broke down,
So he became a ped-
Estrian. He moped along
And for a ride he pled.

The rhino, wandering down Main
Street, saw a flash of red-
He thought it was the zookeeper,
To the market he fled.

5th Avenue was quite crowded,
So my uncle instead
Took Main Street, where a grocery
Was there- he walked ahead.

He thought he saw a small croissant,
But was sadly misled-
The rhinoceros has crescent horns,
That’s why my uncle’s dead.
Thanks for following my blog! More posts will soon be appearing once I regain the dregs of my sanity. So much homework...

Boyd said...

I can't imagine ANYONE unfollowing you!! That's insanity!! You're awesome!! Exclamation points!!!!

As for me, the naked lady reminded me why your blog is awesome!!

Lex said...

People unfollowed me too. But then I think they came back. Idk idk. ANNNYway. Why do you need so many followers huh? Aren't we good enough for you? You can't just show us a picture of a naked lady and then move on to new people! I thought we had something special Christopher!

Myli said...

You have 3x more followers than me, so I guess I shouldn't be giving any advice. I know for me, it's so up in the air. Somedays I get 3 new followers. Then I'll go a week without any new ones. I find it hard to believe that anyone would unfollow you though. I love your blog!

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

Sometimes the Followers Gadget screws up and then it's fine again. I always lose followers every week or so, but they come back after a while.

As for generating more followers...well, I got all of mine by tracking them down and leaving fabulous comments on their blogs. If they have a moral conscience, they'll hit you back.

ellen ~ said...

Hello blondie,

I love that poem.

Also, I obviously wouldn't know how to attract followers since all I do is write nonsense, but I do know that people who sit here in front of their computers, really like pictures.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Jessica. Just comment on people's blogs (obvious come-ons permitted) and they will either run away in terror or check out your blog.
Nothing to lose.

Gabi said...

I quite enjoyed your poem. I may have begun reading it aloud to my friends while they were straightening my hair (read:attacking my head.) They laughed, which is good. They were holding hot irons near my face while laughing, which wasn't necessarily good.

I think that the best way to attract followers is commenting on peoples' blogs. Not that I have much experience in the whole follower thing.

CeliaAnn said...

Oh hot damn, this is my new favourite poem.

Max Silver said...

That's fantastic! :D

Smokey_Cat said...

awesome poem.

and just keep doing what you do, I'm sure the followers will er...follow.

Anonymous said...

Can I just, you know, take your poetic skills?

That Blond Guy said...

Bastard from Bellingham: Don't sweat it my brother.

Jenelle: But I wants more!!! I wants more!!!

Spazz: Ha ha GIVE THEM BACK!

Cosette: Ooh, I like it. I like it very much.

Boyd: Thanks, man. Much appreciated. Do you listen to Radiohead much?

Lex: I need more followers because more followers need me. I know that doesn't make sense. But my head feels funny right now.

Myli: Thanks!!!

Lemon: But that takes time and effort and time!

ellen~ I love the nonsense that you write, though! I mean that in a good way. Nonsense is good. Like kittens.

Gabi: Yaayyyyyy that's nice to know. And thanks for the advice.

CeliaAnn: Hot damn!

Max Silver: Gee thanks.

Smokey_Cat: I can only hope so.

Furree Katt said...

i'll mention you in my next blog post and hopefully get you some new followers in place of those you've lost.