Friday, September 23, 2011

Great "That's What She Said" Moments I Noticed This Week

"Wow, it's much harder than I thought it would be."

"I dare you to touch it."

"Stick it to me."

"Hold it by the shaft."

"If I coated it with chocolate icing, would you lick it off?"

"I'm really hard right now."

"I get off by watching YouTube videos of giraffes mating."

"Why is all of this white sticky stuff coming out of my penis?"

"Stroke it a little bit and maybe it will get hard."

"No it's not infected! Why did you say that? What makes you say that?"

"Is it legal to do it like that?"

"Would you mind wearing this bag on your head before we do it?"

"This juice tastes delicious! What's in it? Do I detect cranberry? Pomegranate?"

"'s so nice and warm in here!"

"What are those? What did you put in there? Are those...teeth? RRRRAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!"

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed those. Sorry about my lack of posting. I'll try to post againt tomorrow and Sunday. I haven't had a great last week. I contemplated suicide. But then I thought that would probably look terrible on my college apps.

So yeah, I was in a bad mood for probably about a solid 120 hours. But then I found this song from the movie Bugsy Malone: "You Give a Little Love." It's where that Coke commercial comes from! The one where the Grand Theft Auto guy buys a Coke and then he's nice to everyone. Anyway, I listened to the song and then I was happy again. If you're going to say something mean, don't bother saying anything at all.

Did you know Jodie Foster was in that movie when she was like nine? Yeah, I think that's really weird. You can see her in that clip, although her face is covered in pie. Jodie Foster is really hot. Not in that movie, of course. I'm not a pedophile. But now she is. And did you know she's a lesbian? I just discovered that about nineteen seconds ago. I never knew that. But yeah, now she's even hotter.

Movie Quote of the Day: "Do you like fried chicken?" -Billy Kramer, Kramer vs Kramer

That Blond Guy

9 people secretly have a crush on me:

Maxwell said...

The TWSS ones make me happy. And Jodie Foster is the reason Reagan got shot - look it up. said...

I lol'd! And I don't have any better.

Anonymous said...

Those were some very very subtle sex jokes...

Anonymous said...

Also, I played Jodie Foster's role in that show a while ago.

Ash said...

I bust out 'TWSS' jokes all the time. They're golden. It's all in the timing, and you don't go for the obvious, kitschy ones, gotta have some class.

And also , there's a time and a place, and where I work just isn't it. Bloody schoolkids and they're feelings...

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

I'm holding something by the shaft now.

just thought you should know.


L. said...

Your That's What She Saids are almost as good as my Harry Potter pick up lines. I give you props on the one about teeth. Isn't there a horror movie about that? A girl with teeth in her vag? I don't know, I think I'm going bonkers.
Anyway, don't kill yourself. I would be so sad. Really. Devastated. I would be prostrate with grief. And then I would make ramen noodles and I would probably feel a bit better. But I would still be very sad nonetheless.
Love and kisses,

Mark said...

Glad you picked up a bit :) Everyone has something that can get them up.

Heh, another "That's what she said"

Myli said...

You're "that's what she said" list was very funny! We play that game at work and I try to say "that's what she said" at least once a day! Makes the day so much more fun!