Friday, September 30, 2011

I'm Thinking About Ending This Blog (Sad Face)

I'm not joking this time, I don't think. Well, I don't know what to think. But I'm considering it.

The Nerd Archives is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. That sounds weird to say--to think that writing a blog could be one of the best things that has ever happened to someone. But I really grew while writing this blog. And I think I even sort of discovered myself. (Stop laughing! Stop laughing!) You guys have been so great, and I've had so much fun with The Nerd Archives. I've probably used the word "penis" more times on The Nerd Archives than is even legal in the state of Georgia.

But this blog has also been keeping me from a lot of things. For starters, I've been trying to write a book. But this blog sort of saps all of the creative energy I have, I think. I mean, I write about 800 words in the average NA post--I've written 180 posts. That puts me right at about 144,000 words in all the history of The Nerd Archives. That's a good deal more than the size of the average novel. Theoretically, I could have written my book by now at that rate.

I also kind of want to focus more on spending time in nature, doing creative things, and getting fit. I want to have the abs of Chuck Norris, the mind of Tim Burton, and the skin tone of Katy Perry's fake tan in California Girls. Right now I have none of those things.

But at the same time, I might be being impulsive. I just don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have two conflicting personalities battling each other inside my head. And whichever one I let win could affect the outcome of my happiness in life.

Yeah, that's being a bit dramatic, but I'm a teenager. I think I have the right to be dramatic whenever I want. But none of this is too much of an exaggeration. The Nerd Archives has seen me through my first relationship, two of the most awkward years of my life, the moving-away of four of my friends, the coming-out of three of my friends, my discovery of music, my first real girl-rejection, the amputation of my left leg, and the election of Sarah Palin to presidency of the United States.

Actually, the last two things aren't actually things. But you get the point. This blog has become a part of me. And I'm worried that That Blond Guy is more me than me. And it will be like cloning yourself and you're like cool a clone so you let the clone follow you around everywhere and at first it's really cool but then you're like okay I'm tired of having a clone it's time for you to die clone. And it's like HELLS NO and so you have this epic battle and finally you win but then you feel all empty inside and so you dress up the corpse of your clone and you have conversations with it and you feed it food just like in Psycho and then finally you stab Vera Miles in the chest while she's showering and you're like shit what have I done she was hot. I'm worried that's going to happen to me. Except instead of a clone--it will be The Nerd Archives.

But really, all of you guys are SO cool. Some of you have stuck with The Nerd Archives for a really long time, and you have no idea how much that has meant to me. If I were you, I would read one post of this blog and be like "Wtf?" and then leave and never come back. I wish I could line all of you up and give each of you a great big hug.

I don't know what else I have to say. Thanks to all of you with band suggestions from last time. Meaning Cosette, Boyd, and L. And not actually Boyd, because I've already been listening to the Eels for three years. In fact, guess who was the drummer for the Eels for three whole weeks? Me! Sorry, Boyd. I do love Cage the Elephant. Band suggestions still needed, guys!

Speaking of which, check out this page about stereotyping people according to their favorite indie bands. I've had a lot of fun with this--especially because some of my brother's favorite indie folk bands were on here and none of them were too complimentary. But check it out. My favorite one is for Vampire Weekend.

My problem with commenting on blogs has gotten even worse. BELIEVE ME--I have tried to comment on ALL of your blogs, but for some reason it just doesn't work. It works on a select few of them, but I have no idea why it works on some and works on others. I am so sorry, because I read all of your blogs still and I want to post a snide comment that will leave you slightly offended but I just can't! I think I have a virus.

(Sigh.) I knew my obsession with internet porn would do me in eventually.

I'm probably not going to stop blogging today or tomorrow--I don't even know if I'm going to stop blogging at all. I'm just thinking out loud here, guys. This may be nothing. Maybe I've just been listening to the Dead too much and now I feel like making unnecessary, serious changes in my life. I don't know. Stay tuned. May the Force be with you.

Movie Quote of the Day: "Did you like my squid?" -Jerry, Sphere

That Blond Guy

22 people secretly have a crush on me:

Boyd said...

I really hope you don't end your blog, and that you are just thinking out loud idly. I guess I do understand your motivation if you do, because I've been neglecting my blog in favor of other things lately. However, your blog has meant so much to me over the past year and some odd months. I was motivated back into posting, at least for a while, by the community that was built up - more or less - around your blog. You're an amazing writer, and even if you do quit blogging, please don't delete it; I'd like the option of going back and reading what has been up here before. Good memories, man :)

dirtycowgirl said...

Please don't go !!

I understand totally what you're saying about how distracting (and time consuming) it can be. I'm not a young person with too many other things I could/should be doing, but even so I can easily lose an evening posting/commenting/reading.

I love the little 'communities' that build up around certain groups of blogs too. But I think once that has happened you can take a break from posting etc and the people who are part of it will still be there if/when you come back.

As Boyd said, don't delete it even if you aren't around.
One day you might return and find you have 1000 followers, and as you have put so much work into it it would be a shame to lose it.

Mark said...

I'm with Dirtycowgirl here, but on a more serious note. You do have a choice to make, to see if you can be everything you want, or if you're going to settle for one or the other. If you choose settling you have to make sure that you're settling for what you actually want. That you're doing what you actually want. The final decision is, and always will be, yours. Make it a good one, and if it's bad, learn from it.

L. said...

I'm going to say please don't go. Ready? "Please don't go."

There. Now that I've made that plea, I'm going to say I completely understand how you're feeling. It happens. Don't delete the Nerd Archives, if you do stop. Just take a leave of absence.

If you do leave, understand that we are becoming email buddies and no you don't get a way out of this. I would miss you way too much because A. You're hilarious and B. I would love to have an email buddy. Email buddy. Come on, you can't not smile while saying that.

Do what you think you have to do. If this blog is distracting you from actually living, then forego this and go live! There is a huge difference between living and being alive. I'm figuring that out now. Carpe diem, because why the hell shouldn't you?

Love and kisses,


Gabi said...

Nooooo D:

Except that you should do what you want, and I support that. Not that my support means anything because I live all the way up in Canada where nobody can be supported properly from and nobody can hear my screams. Except for the moose. Did you know that there are more moose in Nunavut than people?

You're really awesome and you should follow your heart and let it lead you where it wants to go yadda yadda yadda cliche cliche cliche. But really.

Don't make this your *very* last post, okay? That would be saddening.

Do I have to sign off or something on long comments like this?,

P.S. Tally Hall is really cool. And I like Idan Raichel project a lot right now, so if you're into songs which you don't understand the lyrics of that sound kind of middle-eastern. . .

Bookish.Spazz said...

Do what you want.

Kay said...

Please don't go! We'll eat you up! We love you so!

Nico Morley said...

You could always keep the blog open and write when you actually feel like it - you know, post less often. Unless you're doing that as a way to procrastinate from the other goals.

Maybe you could just take a break? I have no idea.

Basically, I have no good advice, and I don't know why I'm talking. Nothing to see here.

Anna said...

Oh Good Lord, if you leave us, my life will be over. Well, not really, but I really hope you don't go! I know that's being selfish of me :P. Okay, fine, if you must.

Oh by the way, with the music suggestions, listen to NME Radio religiously ( I swear, that's how I discover all of the best (indie) music. Plus, it's British. Anything British is a plus.

PeaceLoveandSharpies said...

I'm supposed to be doing an essay for AP Lang right now and have to leave in 30 minutes. But I dropped it all when I saw the title of this post.

Are. You. KIDDING. Me?!

Dude, we freaking love you. I freaking love you.
That I is in bold, just so you know.

As for having other things to do, we ALL do.
Since school started I haven't had much time to Sharpie.
But you don't have to leave us forever! :(
You'd choose a book over 159 people that passionately want to do you?
(Yeah, you know it, Blondie.)

And about commenting on others, again, we ALL go through that problem. I've stopped commenting on so many blogs, though I read them all.
It's nothing to feel horrible about.

What you SHOULD feel horrible about is considering to leave all of us for abs. ABS?!

Whatever it is, babe. Please, don't leave.
You mean so much to everyone, and if you want to be honest, are one of the few people that can still make me smile.

I really have to get back to work right now.
Take care, okay?

And never ever ever leave.

*super giant awesome hug of love*

cricketfreak said...

But your posts always cheer me up! :( Just stop blogging for a few weeks if you need to. Then come back here. We'll all be waiting for you.

Ash said...

I get where you're coming from. It can take a fair bit of effort to write a decent blog post, and not just one of those "Hey guys, I just made a sandwich lol. How are you?" type entries that mean shit all but clog up newsfeeds.

I've sometimes considered ending mine, but then I finally find some inspiration and time to write an entry and then I get all the feedback/support/awesomeness/lulz (depending on my content) from my readers and I think "Whoa. These guys are awesome. They care about what I write. I can't leave." It's a damn good feeling too, to know that essentially complete strangers care about what I have to write and would 'miss' me and stuff.

Very humbling.

In the end though, all I can say is - I hope you make the right decision for you.

Take care, dude.

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

If you stop blogging, I shall kill hamsters. Seriously.

I may comment on every post, but this doesn't mean that I'm not laughing my ass out over every one of your posts. You can always try cutting down the amount of times you post - that should give you enough time to get Chuck Norris abs.

Send pictures.

the Rambler said...

If you make up your mind to stop blogging, that could get the annoying feeling of obligation off your back and you can do all those things you want to do and fulfill your dreams and nourish your soul or whatnot. And then if you ever feel like it, come back to the blog and drop a quick post containing copious use of the word penis, which'll be a nice surprise for your followers. Everyone's happy.

RainboRevolver said...

I feel ya, bro, do what's right for you.

Perhaps what you need is not an end to this masterpiece, but possibly just to add to it less frequently? Or to put it on hiatus? Also just thinking out loud.

I'd miss you if you went!

Anonymous said...

Listen - I think you're wonderful and you should make the decision that feels right for you. If you decide to end this blog, we'll all completely respect your decision.

That said, I really don't want you to end this blog. It completely makes sense that you want to focus more on other aspects of your life, but this doesn't mean you have to shut down your blog completely. It seems as if you could take a hiatus/spend less time on postings/etc., which would accomplish your goal of having more time to devote to other creative endeavors, and you'd still be here for us.

Let's be real - I am a new blogger. My blog doesn't seem as much like an offshoot of me as it does a page to list disjointed episodes in my life. I really don't have much credibility on the subject of blogging - but I have been lurking for a while now.
The reason I started blogging was because I lurk on Sparknotes. That led me to Lemons's blog, which led me to yours. The end.

That said, make whatever decision you want. We'll be behind you.

The militant working boy said...

If anything, this blog would really be a big plus were you to try to publish a book... a sort of sampling of how popular your writing is... you're totally lying when you say you don't have the mind of Tim Burton... in fact, your mind could whip Tim Burton's mind's ass in an arm wrestling match any day... my point is that you've got what it takes to go far with whatever it is you decide to do. You've got a spectacular imagination, a way with storytelling, and an absolutely killer sense of humor. Do whatever you want. I'll read your blog, I'll buy your book, I'll review the movie they make of your book directed by Tim Burton starring Chuck Norris... not sure what I'll do with your Katy Perry tan, but I'm sure I'll think of something...
Anyway, you're speeding down the right track, my friend. Turning off in a different direction doesn't mean you're slamming on the brakes... quite the opposite, in fact. Whatever happens, I'm sure this won't be the last the world sees of That Blond Guy. Best of luck!

Nico Morley said...

Psst ... Mili - I got some ideas for Katy Perry's tan. Nefarious plans.

Myli said...

I know how you feel. I used to have so much time to devote to my blog and to follow/read other blogs. But my job keeps me busy over 10 hours of my day now and then if I go out after work, I get home and have to be in bed in an hour or so.

But I too love my readers and fellow bloggers. I'd never dream of deleting my blog, but I've definitely cut way back on my posts. It makes me feel guilty at times. It's like I'm letting people down. But my readers are very understanding and when I do actually post, they are so sweet and leave me kind comments thanking me.

Do what you think is best. I enjoy your blog and I hope it continues. :)

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