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Friday, September 9, 2011

MOTHERFUCKER GUESS WHO JUST SAW THE BEACH BOYS LIVE AT COBB ENERGY CENTER FOR THEIR 50TH ANNIVERARY?!?

I'll give you a hint. His name rhymes with "Mistufah," he has a weird lemon fetish, and he's seen the movie Sixteen Candles more times than he can count on all three of his hands. Okay I can't take it anymore it's me I saw the Beach Boys live last night and they were AMAZING!


That's Mike Love in the front, second from the left, and there's half of Brue Johnston on the keyboard all the way to the right. The other five were a fantastic back-up band who were all Beach Boy clones.

I wasn't expecting much because only Bruce Johnston and Mike Love were going to be there and hell what are they seventy, eighty years old? I expected to at least one of them to have a senior moment up on stage. I thought that halfway through the concert Mike was going to start flipping out and yelling at the audience, "Who are you people? What am I doing here? Get me the hell out of here!" And someone would have to come onto the stage and say, "Calm down, Mike. These nice people are here to see you perform with the Beach Boys, remember? See? There's Bruce! You know him. How about you be a good sport and give all these people a good show." And he'd frown and say, "Well, awright, but don't let any of them try to grab me. I don't like it when people grab at me."

On the contrary, they were not only amazingly coherent, but they were almost as impressive as they were half a century ago when they began. They even sang falsetto pretty well, although when they did their voices had sort of an eerie boyishness that probably stuck after decades of belting out songs like California Girls and Wouldn't It Be Nice over and over again. They sang just fantastically, really. And all of the members of the back-up band, who each took a turn doing lead vocals, sounded EXACTLY like the Beach Boys. The drummer, especially, was great.

I went with my family, because my dad got the tickets, and at first I was selfishly worried that people would think we were lame because my parents brought ear plugs and opera glasses. (I wish I was joking. I really do.) But then I realized that we were seeing the Beach Boys and that probably my siblings and I would be the only ones there under the age of 40.

And I was pretty much right, although I did spot one toddler and a handful of teens about my age. I said before the concert that I hoped there would be a lot of old people there, because then the concert would be much more tame. Old people neutralize young people like acids and bases. But I didn't know that EVERYBODY would be old. We were surrounded by a sea of sixty to eighty year olds. Looking down from the balcony, all you could see was gray hair. It was great. I love old people so much.


Some of them were the confused kind of old people. This guy standing up during intermission, for instance, clearly has no idea that the show isn't even going on right now.

It was so touching and happy to see all of the old people reunited with their favorite band of their youth. It was like they were lifelong friends, saying "We've had an amazing journey together, and what's more is that it's not over yet." And the old people actually had a lot of energy. Most of them certainly had MUCH better moves than I did. I wonder if that's what Lady Gaga and Beyonce concerts are going to be like forty years from now.

Want to know the best part of the entire concert? Mike and Bruce were HILARIOUS. They eased the tension that everyone in the crowd was feeling right away by cracking jokes about how old they were. I don't remember any of them except for one Mike told while he was introducing the song "I'm So Young." He was talking about how R&B back in the old times, and how different it is now. He said, "This kind of song was what got us interested in music, but R&B now is very different from what it used to be. Sorry, Snoop Dogg." Then they played a few measures from a Snoop Dogg song, which was really hilarious. And then Mike added, "And how about this new gangsta rap? If I wore my pants as low as some of those gangster rappers, I'd have some pretty cold places."

Oh! And at the very beginning of the show, when they had just played two songs, they said, "Well, folks, it's great to be in Atlanta, GA. Thanks so much for having us. Now we're going to take a short intermission followed by a nap."

They weren't just funny, either. They had all the moves. Mike Love dedicated one song to all of the ladies in the crowd, and Bruce kept giving little spins at the keyboard. And their voices were just fantastic. Fantastic.



Beware, this part of the post is about to get more corny than I think I've ever allowed myself to be on The Nerd Archives. Hold on to your diapers, babies. This might be a bumpy ride.

There were these two girls in the row in front of us, a little bit to the right, who were both just beyond beautiful. And it's not just that they were physically attractive. There was just something about them. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever met someone like that?

First of all, they were teenage girls from the 21st century, but they were going to a Beach Boys concert. Then, not only were they attending the concert, but they were dancing wildly, smiling as they did so, even when everyone around them was sitting down. Also, they were amazing dancers. And on top of all of that, both of them were incredibly attractive in their own ways. They were really gorgeous, but in a subtler way then all of the other teenage girls these days. They had a genuine, warm beauty rather than looking like they were made of plastic. They had the most beautiful, dark eyes, this amazing silky brown hair, and smiles that would literally melt the heart of the evil lion from The Lion King. I don't remember his name but I remember he had that scary scar going down his face. GodDAMMIT those girls were amazing.

I don't believe in love at first sight. I don't really think love is that simple. But still, I do think that sometimes you can just tell so much about a person, just by looking in their eyes, or seeing the way they smile, or just hearing their voice.

And just seeing these girls, hearing them sing, watching them dance, was more than I could ever possibly ask for. Just by glimpsing them, I also got a glimpse of what my entire life might possibly be like if I bring myself to talk to them. If I brought myself to tell them that I think they're beautiful. And then I thought that I will talk to them. But I knew that I won't. But really, it was enough to just glimpse it. To glimpse love in the blink of an eye.

Sometimes I wish I was that guy who walks up to girls he's never seen before and tells them they're beautiful. And I think I have the potential to be that guy, because I have done that before. But at the end of the day I'm just a nerd. And I don't mind so much. Because, mofo, I JUST SAW THE BEACH BOYS LIVE!!!

On a totally different note, do you ever find yourself in a situation where your privates really itch but you can't scratch them because people will think you're masturbating? That actually happens to me a lot, and I get a lot of funny looks for it. (That's actually partly because sometimes I am masturbating.)

That happened to me during the concert. After a while I couldn't stand it and I just HAD to scratch. And all of the old people in the row behind me were like, "Wow. That young feller is REALLY getting into the music."

I'm not going to post tomorrow out of respect for 9/11, and I won't be able to post the next few days because I'm going to be really busy. So don't be expecting a post for another five or six years. Thanks, guys.

Movie Quote of the Day: (Sees Lane wave from the back of a garbage truck.) "Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that. " -Tree Trimmer to fellow Tree Trimmer, Better Off Dead

Cheers,
That Blond Guy

14 people secretly have a crush on me:

Bookish.Spazz said...

I AM TOTES JEALLY.

TOTES.

L. said...

YOU GOT TO SEE THE BEACH BOYS LIVE AND DIDN'T BRING ME????!!!! INTERROBANGED!!!!

Also, how on earth could you forget that the lion with the scar from The Lion King is called SCAR? His defining feature is his name. Which makes you think, was he always called Scar? Or did he get the scar and then everyone just started calling him Scar because it was easy? I wonder if he cries himself to sleep, every night, whispering "My name is ROGER GOD DAMMIT!" That last part would be said in a ferocious whisper, because he is a ferocious lion. With a scar.

I really liked what you said about those two girls. It was corny, but it does show that you aren't a robot... Or are you?! Just kidding (or am I? I am, don't worry) In all honesty, it's nice to hear that guys actually want to go up to girls and tell them that they are beautiful. Because sometimes people just need to hear that.

Insanely long comment ending NOW.

the Rambler said...

That was corny as hell, bro. And yet ... so beautiful.

I keep telling myself to strike up random conversations with people on trains, because it's so easy; I mean, what repercussions could there even be unless they were insane and spontaneously started stalking me but then again, I think that would be my doing, not theirs. And yet I always chicken out.

Be the big man and get talking!

That Bastard From Bellingham said...

OH SHIT SON!

YOU GET PURE INTERNETS AND RESPECK KNUCKLES! Shit, I thought they were dead...

or was that Unchained Melodies?

...huh...

Anna said...

I'm going to just pretend that you knew the lion's name was SCAR.

Oh God. If I could kill you right now, I would. I AM THE BEACH BOYS' BIGGEST FAN, BITCH.

I would actually prefer to see old people in their 70s at a concert than people in their 40s. When I went to Journey last month, it was swarming with drunk middle aged men and women who were so hammered they couldn't tell which song was playing.

You should have went up to those girls. It'd have made the night even more memorable.

Mark said...

I'm pretty damn jealous right now.

Ally B said...

I feel that same way sometimes like, "damn, why you so sexy". except with guys and stuff...

Kay said...

THE BEACH BOYS. JEALOUS.

And what you said about those girls. It makes you wonder if people have caught a glimpse of you and thought that you were beautiful. Lovely.

Cosette said...

Wow.
Also, thanks for choosing me as a Blog of Specialness! I'm greatly honored.

Fickle Cattle said...

You totally should have walked up to them. Seize the day. :-)

Fickle Cattle
ficklecattle.blogspot.com

LoneIslander said...

Sounds like you had an awesome time.

Lexa Be said...

Blarg, why didn't you take ME?! Just like the other ten or so people above me! Insert angry face here.

It made me giggle though, all the cornyness... not that I can talk cause I'm sitting here listening to Plain White Tees... Ah well, I suppose I shall sit here and pretend I was cool enough to get to see the Beach Boys.

Next time, go be a nerd and still talk to girls like that. You'd make a girl's day *nod* Drink some almond milk for courage beforehand ;)

-Sam. said...

was it you? (lucky guess?)

-Sam.

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