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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Hey, I Think You've Got Something On Your Face. Oh Wait. It's Your Face

Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you're eating something and you're like "Mm...this is delicious" but then you look down and it's a baby and you're like "OH SHIT."

Because that happened to me today.

Right now I'm listening to the song "New York" by Frank Sinatra to get me in the mood. To get me in the mood for what? you may ask. Well, I really don't know. This is the first post I've written in a while in which I really have no idea what I'm going to write about. So buckle your seat belts. Adjust your rearview and side mirrors. Take off the emergency brake. Make certain that all of the passengers in your car have their seat belts fastened as well. Put the car in reverse and then look in the rearview mirror. OH MY GOD IT'S A CRAZY AXE MURDERER BEHIND YOU!!! Oh wait no, it's just a squirrel. But wait, what is a squirrel doing in your car? Oh wait, you're not in a car. You're sitting down in the middle of the woods somewhere with no clothes on except for a straw hat and what feels like bear grease rubbed all over your body.



How was your day today? My day was okay. Oh my gosh! You know how I just said I was listening to that song by Frank Sinatra? I just stopped to watch the video and discovered that it was Anti-Muslim. I am so incredibly sorry! I'm also angry at the person who made that video because I think he's a fucking prick. In fact, I think I'll tell him that. I have a YouTube account. He has a YouTube account. I'm going to pound his sorry ass. Which can be interpreted as both sexual and threatening. Which is starting to excite me.

(One second.)

...

Well, I did it. And I think I got a bit carried away. You'll agree if you followed the link to the video that I just posted a second ago. Damn. Now he's going to start trolling my YouTube channel and watching all of my videos and telling me how much I suck and sending me e-mails and finding my blog and posting hateful comments on it. Like that lesbian David Bowie fan from several months ago. I hope I didn't just start a YouTube war. Do you have any idea how easy it is to start those? Because it's really easy. Like, easier than your mom. BAM. Did that sting? I hope so.

Don't you hate it when someone owes you money so you ask them to pay you back and they say "No" so you punch them in the face but they just laugh? And then you punch them again but they still just laugh? So you keep punching them and punching them until their face is bloody and they're on the ground because you want them to stop laughing but they just won't stop laughing? And so you punch them and punch them until they stop moving but the laughing doesn't stop and then you realize at that point that you're the one who's been laughing the whole time?

Yeah, I hate when that happens!

Do you guys remember Lorenze and the Very Wise, Talking Goldfish? Well, I have a really really boring math class this year with a Romanian teacher who I'm really attracted to but who also bugs the hell out of me. Do you know anyone like that? Yeah, I don't know whether to fuck her or kill her. Or both. But anyway, I'm not going to pay attention at all during that class so I'm going to have lots of free time to do stuff. And today I wrote another short story kind of like Lorenze and I'm thinking I'll be able to write more of those.

So would you guys like it if I posted more of that type of stuff? Or not? Just tell me. I'm going to give you a preview of what I'm talking about in the next post. But just give me your opinion in the comments. Also, if you think that I need to shorten my posts, come out and tell me!!! Because it seems like majority rules in this situation, but if someone specifically tells me why they think I should make shorter posts, I will be far more inclined to consider it. You can even leave me an anonymous comment if you like. Just tell me.

Also, here's a picture of a naked woman.



Are you shocked that I just posted that? I am too, a little bit. Guess who didn't take their meds today? (Raises hand.) I wonder if I'm actually going to go through with this. What do you think?

Movie Quote of the Day: "What's happenin', hot stuff?" -Long Duk Dong, Sixteen Candles

Cheers,
That Blond Guy

31 people secretly have a crush on me:

L. said...

I laughed at this. I really did. It literally made no sense, but I laughed. There was something so mundanely honest about this, since it was about nothing in particular. That's how most of my blog posts start.

I would love to read more of your short stories! Your stories make me laugh!

Take your meds, ya fooligan!

cricketfreak said...

AAAAH YOU ATE A BABY?
No it's cool. Babies are annoying.

Bookish.Spazz said...

Gee, that naked picture came at a really bad time. Luckily my sister doesn't pay attention to anything so she missed it as I furiously scrolled down.

Jesus.

Anyways, I like your stories. A lot. And your long posts.

MAJORITY FTW!

Bookish.Spazz said...

And as a response to the comment you made on my blog:

I would be more psyched if I wasn't being bombarded by homework all the time. Plus I have tests, papers, and deadlines that just make me want to slam my head into the wall repeatedly until I'm so mentally impaired I don't have to do homework.

And I'm doing an early decision app for college.

And I'm worried about not having a date for prom, being so studios all of my non studios friends will abandon me, and dying.

So yeah. I'll be psyched once I walk across that stage and get my diploma.

RainboRevolver said...

Woah nekkid lady.
You, my good sir, are quite an amazing writer yourself, and I enjoy your blog very much. I know I haven't told you in a while, but it's true.

Anyway, have a nice day.

Lex said...

So now your blog can technically be called porn now. Just saying.

dirtycowgirl said...

For fuck sake will you stop asking if your posts should be shorter.

I like blogs that I can READ, ones that the authors have put time and thought (well a bit) into.

And I'm guessing so do all these other people who secretly have a crush on you.

Cosette said...

My eyes are burning. You just corrupted my youthful innocence. BATTLE MODE

Gabi said...

Hi, naked woman! When I opened the picture in a new tab, I was just checking if she was airbrushed or not, I swear! *nervous laughter*

I kind of like forgetting my meds. Being ADHD is really fun. :D

Boyd said...

OMG! A woman!! And she's naked!!!

I LIKE YOUR POSTS. Why would it matter if anyone else does? We all know you're only writing for me!!

Was the ax murderer the one who put the bear grease on me?

Max Silver said...

I love the title of this post :P

Also, I'm a bit shocked you posted that.

Paige said...

guess who didnt take their meds today. raises hand.---fucking epic!

Chelsea said...

The naked woman wasn't too surprising - the fact that you acquired this image, likely through Google search is more surprising. I have to wonder how many photos you scrolled through before deciding on this one.

That Blond Guy said...

Jennelle: That makes me happy. I liked this post too. Mostly just because of the naked woman, though.

Cricket: LOLBEANZ.

Bookish: Hey, sorry about that. I had the same situation happen to me while I wrote this post but it was my brother who walked into my room and I was the one who was naked.

And thank you! At first I didn't know what "FTW" stood for, so I assumed it meant "Fuck the What." Which I thought was pretty cool. When I found out that's not what it meant, I was sad.

Julia: Thanks, Jules. That really cheered me up. It really did. I had a fucking awful day today.

Lex: So now your porn can technically be called blog now! Bam. I don't really understand what that's supposed to mean, but I think it's funny because I switched the words "porn" and "blog."

dirtycowgirl: Fine. I will. But only for fuck's sake. And thanks for the advice.

Cosette: Yeah, sorry.

Gabi: Ha ha, your comment made me laugh. "Hi, naked woman!" Priceless. Like true love.

Boyd: Hey, she is, isn't she? I hadn't noticed that. Thanks for pointing that out. And thanks for the advice.

Max Silver: Ha, thanks. I am too. I get pretty wild when I don't take my medicine.

Paige: No no no. You!

Cosette said...

It's all good. My robochomp shall be activated another day.
(Translation: I'm already corrupt. I was joking. It doesn't matter. Marry me...I mean, what?)

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