Saturday, August 13, 2011

No Way I'm Going to Make a Video Blog EVER Again. Nope. No Way. Fine, Here It Is

But I hate it. And I know you'll hate it too. But I'm going to post it anyway because I made a super secret special contract with Eeshie. I would tell you about it, but then I'd have to eat you alive. So here's the link:

Touch my penis

Now, of course, I expect every single one of you to make one.

If you haven't already seen the post below this one, which I just wrote yesterday, then please proceed to it immediately. Don't even watch the video blog. Please. The post is about me going to see the Death Cab for Cutie concert last Thursday, which I think is far more interesting than my vlog.

I just got awarded my first ever blog award by Lex!!! Unfortunately, I don't really do blog awards because if I deny that I do them, then nobody will know that I've only gotten one. And also, it would really be hard for me to choose between all of my beautiful followers. Speaking of which, I haven't had anyone complain about not being on the blog list, so I'll assume everyone is content with it. Although I really wish you would all follow the blog Lounge Act, which is one of my favourite blogs in the world but for some reason none of you want to follow it.

I changed my blog description in the header. Do you like it? PWEEEEEEEZ TELL ME YOU LIKE IT!!!

I also start school this Monday so I want all of you to pray for me and wish me luck because this means the world is going to end for me.

Movie quote of the day: "Or she's an uppity, better-than-everyone super skank." -McKenzie, 500 Days of Summer

That Blond Guy

18 people secretly have a crush on me:

That Bastard From Bellingham said...

I just did a review for a fish and chips place.

I bet you'd taste like ubermensch and spetsnaz.

I'm just sayin','d probably taste awesome all breaded and fried and what-not.

Bookish.Spazz said...

O.O I think Luke just said he'd like to eat you if you were fried...

ANYWAYS, since I've been following your blog I've never heard you plug Lounge Act... I'll give it a read and if I like it, I'll follow.

I KNOW OF THE NOT SO CLANDESTINE DEAL YOU MADE WITH EESHIE. Honestly I think she would have filled out the survey regardless.

Is that your room in the background? It looks a little feminine, but not in a bad way.

WHAT. NO. THEY DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME. Now I'm paranoid. Now I can't ever hang out with them again. Just kidding. You're a liar.

I'm going to fly to Brazil instead of Paris. Brazilian guys are delicious.

Facial hair IS hot, and now I'm paranoid of leprechauns. Also, you're right about the dual standard for dating. I can't stand soft doormat guys. Douches are hot.

You have a nice smile. And your voice nearly put me to sleep.

The militant working boy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katie said...

I'm pretty much 100% sure that none of my male friends want to sleep with me. YOU ARE WRONG.

This is amusing, and I like your voice.

Good luck with school on Monday!

Myli said...

I liked your vlog! But I did also enjoy your last post about Death Cab. I'm still so jealous about that! I wish you the best of luck on Monday! :)

The militant working boy said...

From you I have concluded that the meaning of life must be somewhere between goatees and the female mind... in a place where I shall never hope to end up. This is very enigmatic and depressing.

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

HUMPH. I'VE AWARDED YOU A BLOG AWARD BEFORE! Which you never responded to, because it was four months (or so) ago and you weren't following me at the time.


It's okay, I still love you.

AND I PROMISE TO WATCH THE VLOG as soon as I can. Which is anytime when my parents are away from the hotel room because I don't want them to hear me squeal "Oh my, Christopher is soooo cute!"

....I'm sorry if I sound kind of incoherent now. I just woke up. Like, five minutes ago.

P.S I'll do the survey because I'm a loyal bitch.

cricketfreak said...

My internet doesn't want the vlog to open.

Boyd said...

Vlog away!!! I don't believe you when you say this will be the last one. You know your parody of Misery? That's gonna be me, forcing you to make more.

LOL JK (probably.)

I want to fly to Mars. Maybe find some spiders.

I don't want to sleep with all my female friends!! Except the ones with breasts.

Kassandrah said...

I was just reminded of how attractive you are.

LoneIslander said...

Vlog was pretty good bro and gratz on the award, even if you don't do them.

Abby said...

I have to admit, I didn't see that one coming.
Thanks :)
Also, I'm enthralled by your voice.

Anna said...

I highly doubt any of my male friends want to sleep with me. Probably because most of them are gay. I'm such a sad sad person.
Aha this was awesome. I demand that you vlog more! I like your voice :P

Anonymous said...

Nerd pride! Yes I do like the new header, though you fail to specify, what sort of fish? I'm new here so someone take a look at this :)

Sarcasmic Ross said...

You did a video blog??
When I get home I am so watching that ;)

Btw, I've returned from the dead!

Eeshie said...


I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry for not commenting earlier. You probably thought I forgot all about our super secret special contract, did you? Well no I did not. What happened was that I watched your vlog the first day you posted it and laughed my insides out. Then, as I started to write your comment, I realized that it was time for me to go to this reallllllly long prayer during Ramadan (You know, fasting and whatnot). So I left and kept the computer and everything on, and when I came back like two hours later, I saw MY MOTHER reading your blog. And I was like, “Oh shit.” Basically, she saw the word “penis” and started freaking out. At this point, I was trying to stifle my laughter and also explain what was going on at the same time. Well, long story short: THINGS HAPPENED. But now here I am, FINALLY commenting. You're welcome.

Now I'd like to say: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE VLOG! I promise with all my heart that I will complete Nicolai the Blogging Survey as soon as possible (I also didn't get around to that because other things happened, like people dying. No joke)

ALSO, I love the new blog description in the header. It suits you like, perfectly.

And now on to the vlog...

I LOVED IT! IT WAS EVERYTHING I/YOU COULD HAVE HOPED FOR. HOW CAN YOU BE SO AWESOME AT VLOGS BUT HATE MAKING THEM? But it confused me. Why are you so energetic and adorably peppy online, but so stiff on your vlogs? I agree with Bookish.Spazz -- your voice was so droning. Why is that? And I'm not trying to hurt your feelings; I'm sincerely curious. Maybe that's how you talk...?

And since you left me such a huge comment on my last post, I too shall leave you a long comment, and respond to each of the eighteen profound truths of the world. Yup. I would think I'd owe you that much for making the vlog in the first place.

But before we get on to that, I apologize for not finding you attractive before, cuz believe me, that's all changed now...*wink*

Plus, I legit laughed out loud when you said, “SOOO many people have asked me to make one..” and then you made that exaggerated expression with wide eyes and swiveled your head. Yeah. That made me crack up while running a hand through my hair. And I only run my hand through my hair while laughing if it's VERY VERY funny. So consider that to be a compliment.

Okay. Now on the the Profound Truths Of The World.

1) At this point, I noticed your room, just like Bookish.Spazz. I agree with her that it's feminine. I like the painting in the back. Also, Bookish.Spazz was totally right: I'd do the survey even if you didn't do this vlog. Because I'm nice like that.

2) That's not how you pronounce “sober.”

3) Yeah, you're right. My guy friends do that all the time. The only reason I don't slap them silly willy is because they don't interrupt my speeches like my girl friends. They just stay quiet. So. I guess it's worth it, to some extent.

4) Yes, I agree.

5) …

6) Yes, I agree.

7) Not always true, but yes, sometimes.

8) BAHAHA. Why are you so hilarious? I can't even explain how hard I laughed at that in words. Ugh...

9) I am about stalling death.

Eeshie said...

10) Heyyy I like your shirt. :D

11) THAT'S HOW YOU PRONOUNCE “CARPE DIEM”? ...Ugh, I can't read. -.- And I don't need LSD to feel schizophrenic. I AM schizophrenic. Beat that.

12) Well. That would explain a lot.

13) I. Do. Not. Like. Mustaches. I don't care what you say. They count as facial hair, and I do not like them, nor will I EVER like them. So that just proves you wrong. Ha.

14) Grr. The volume was too low for me to hear that. Maybe it's just my computer..?

15) I totally agree with you. I've been trying to explain this to people for forty years and have traveled across the world giving out brochures of this theory, but no one believes me. It's a sad, sad thing for all of us.

16) No. You're wrong, Christopher. Amy Adams is MY soul mate. Just kidding! My soul mate is going to be some hot guy that I'll hopefully meet in my mid-twenties. Yayyyyy for hot guys. And OMG Amy Adams was in CATCH ME IF YOU CAN. I loved that movie. So much.

17) ...rude...

18) ...I swear, Christopher. If you EVER decide to come to New York City, tape your mouth shut, or you will be kicked bruatally and repeatedly in the ass by people of all races. Just consider that.

I like your gotee. A lot. And you have a hot smile. You should go to a mall where no one knows you and just sit on a bench alone all confident-like and grin rakishly at girls. They'll be swooning in masses. Plus, you'll have a girlfriend in like, ten seconds.

WELL. I guess that sums it up. This vlog was so superdy-duperty awesomesauce. I wish that you vlogged more often, because you have a talent for it. And also, you have to share your attractive face with the world. Sharing is caring. DON'T DELETE THIS ONE LIKE YOU DELETED THE OTHER ONE.

Yeah. I expect you to respond to this comment with an equally long comment because I responded to YOUR long comment on MY blog. And plus, this took me so freaking long to write. And I will never leave you a long comment again.

Toodles :)

That Blond Guy said...

I'm just going to respond to Eeshie's comment, guys. I'm sorry. I'm too lazy to respond to all of yours. Also, I owe her a favour. Sort of. At least she tells me so. So here I am. Posting what is probably going to be a ridiculously long respond to Eeshie's ridiculously long comment.

Wow, that's actually a pretty good story. I'm sorry if my blog offended your mother, though. The Nerd Archives isn't always 100% Eeshie's-mother-friendly.

Your welcome for the vlog. Did people really die? I'm sorry. Were these people you were close too?

Thank you. Yes, I am energetic and adorably peppy online, but stiff in my vlogs. That's why I don't like making vlogs and why I prefer to have a blog in the first place.

AND YES EESHIE MAYBE THAT'S HOW I TALK HAVE YOU NOT GOTTEN THE POINT YET. Just kidding. Seriously, though, yes, that's pretty much how I talk. For the record, though, just because I like proving you wrong: Katie, Abby, AND Anna all gave me positive remarks concerning my voice. So how does that make you feel? Bad? I hope so. For making me feel self-conscious about things I can't change.

I still don't totally forgive you. If you don't find me attractive, (ha hem not that I care of course ha hem), you're not supposed to tell me so, silly! Belle was nice to the beast even though he was a beast and then when he turned into a prince, she was just pleasantly surprised because really it didn't matter to her whether he was handsome or not. You think she would tell him, "You're hideous!" and then turn around and say, "Whoops! Just kidding, you're a hunk?" No. Anyway.

1) That's actually not my room. I won't tell you where it actually is because I want to appear mysterious, but it's not my room.

2) Funnily enough, I never used the word "sober." I wonder what word you're thinking of...

3) Really? Ha ha.

4) Me too.

5) Me too.

6) Me too.

7) ME TOO!

8) Just because.

9) Everyone is. Even ME!

10) Um. Thanks!

11) Alas, yet it is.

12) I'm too lazy to refer to my vlog to find out which profound truth this is is, so I'm just going to agree with you.

13) Yes you do, Eeshie. Yes you do.

14) Maybe.

15) Please refer to #12 to see my response to this.

16) Amy Adams...

17) What is?

18) I've been to NYC! Ha! I actually lived there for two years.

Awww, thanks, Eeshie. You're too good to me. Except for the times when you criticise my voice or face.

Okay I did it I respond to your comment with a comment that might potentially have been even LONGER than yours. Thanks so much for leaving that super duper long comment. It just bout made my day.