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Thursday, January 13, 2011

There's a Guy Who Hides in My Closet and Only Comes to Out at Night to Eat from Our Pantry and Watch Me Sleep

"Every time I come close to orgasm, my husband goes to make himself a sandwich."

Yeah, I just watched Sleepless in Seattle for the first time ever. By the way, I had no idea Tom Hanks was in that movie! Nor Bill Pullman! Nor the little girl from Uncle Buck! How have I not seen this film before?! I love older-but-not-vintage romantic comedies and Meg Ryan (at least the 1993-version of her) is like the most beautiful woman in the world. (She's now in the top five in my list of actresses who were stunningly beautiful in the 80's but are kind of just meh now.)

Anyway, I loved the movie to bits. Loved it tender, was what I done. It was like a slightly less amusing but sweeter version of So I Married an Axe Murderer, just instead of axe murderers, lots of explicit parallels to An Affair to Remember.

God.

(Wipes sweat off of forehead.)

That was a lot of linking.

Anyway, it's Thursday night and I just found out that school has been cancelled tomorrow. That would make this the fifth snow day of the week. And then, we've got next Monday off because it's MLK day. I think it's awesome that all of us racist Southerners still get a day off on MLK day even though we were the ones persecuting the blacks. That way, there are nine more hours in our week which we can spend on committing hate crimes.

In case I haven't mentioned this to you darling leopard cubs, I've been sick the entire week. I just got better today. Three days of snow and I couldn't leave the house for all of them. Today, I'm better but I still wasn't supposed to go outside for any longer than ten minutes. I still did, though, because I'm a total bad-ass. And get this--not only did I go outside...but I went outside NAKED.

Okay, not really.

Right now I'm looking at a black desk lamp labelled with a yellow tab that says "la lampe," and in parentheses, "lahmp." Still working hard on my French. And across from me is a framed black-and-white photograph that I took for art last year. It's me on the driveway in a lawn chair. It's night, I'm wearing a baseball cap, and there's an empty lawn chair next to me. I'm looking off serenly into the distance. I think it's pretty sweet-beans. I had to take it with a timer, but it only lasted five seconds, so I had to set the time on the camera and then sprint down the driveway and leap into the chair.

Yeah, I know I don't have that video blog I was going on about. I'm working on it. I should have it ready within the next three minutes. So far I've gotten nine solid hours of film of me trying not to blink, then giggling wildly when I do blink and then eating a banana--over and over again. For nine hours.

Have any of you ever tried recording a YouTube video on YouTube itself using your Webcam? Tell me how that worked out for you. Then bake me a giant hollow cake with Megan Fox crouched inside it waiting to jump and surprise me. Make sure you put Megan Fox inside the cake after you bake the cake, not before.

Cheers,
That Blond Guy

12 people secretly have a crush on me:

Mischief Managed said...

Megan Fox is gross. She's falsely beautiful, and I think it's revolting how men and boys worship her. Apparently she's pretty rude... they had to kill of her character in Transformers because she was too skinny, and being a jerk on the set.
And that, my friends, is my input on Megan Fox.

And it's kind of strange that you spend 9 hours eating a singular banana. Or was this just one banana?

Eeshie said...

SAME thing happened to me. But not for Art class. I just wanted an awesome picture of me-self. And my timer is for TWO seconds. So I had to set it, and then get into that fabulous position and make a hot face.

It's tough being me.

▲my• said...

Thanks ever so much for the comment on my blog.
Yes, the title means love and chocolat, but specifically chocolat (the book by Joanne Harris) not chocolate the candy. Though I do love that as well.

I have never seen Sleepless in Seattle. It's just one of those things I've never done along with swimming in the ocean and eating escargot. Maybe someday...

I totally agree about Dobby being incredibly underplay in the movies.

And I did do a YouTube vlog once, but I was awkward and giggly so I removed it.

In other news: my favorite color happens to be a tie between mustard yellow and charcoal grey.

Again, thanks for commenting. New faces make my day.
Speaking of days, hope you're having a nice one.

Eeshie said...

And I agree with Mischief Managed about Megan Fox. Ugh. If any of my guy friends ever say something good about Megan Fox, I start preaching exactly what Mischief Managed just said.

I have always won these arguments. Except once, when my guy friend replied back, "Oh, so you can pause 'New Moon' at the shirtless Taylor Lautner scenes, but I can't call Megan Fox pretty?"

I had no comeback to that.

Jillian said...

Why don't you want Megan Fox to be baked?
Because, hate to break it to you, the only way we're getting Megan Fox into a cake is if she is seriously baked. You don't always get what you hope for.

MY GOSH.
Stupid homeschooler.
I couldn't figure out what MLK stood for until like, three seconds ago. It's less of a holiday when you don't get it off.

rose said...

i love sleepless in seattle! i only saw it for the first time about a month ago, and that same day I watched it again

rose xxx

Mandy Thomas said...

Megan Fox is beautiful.

Kassandrah said...

So I'm awake at 5:30am because i woke up with half of my face throbbing and i was too lazy to come downstairs and try to swallow the huge pain pills.

then i read your blog and i laughed and now it hurts more and i had no choice but to come down here!

i want to see sleepless in seattle so bad. i was watching it one night last september and i fell asleep. :O

Furree Katt said...

waiting for your vlog! :D

Paul S said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kamila said...

looks like everyone is getting sick.. is it because of winter... well hope you get better...

and I haven't try that youtube recording in youtube..so no advice can be given.. x)

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