There's a Guy Who Hides in My Closet and Only Comes to Out at Night to Eat from Our Pantry and Watch Me Sleep

"Every time I come close to orgasm, my husband goes to make himself a sandwich."

Yeah, I just watched Sleepless in Seattle for the first time ever. By the way, I had no idea Tom Hanks was in that movie! Nor Bill Pullman! Nor the little girl from Uncle Buck! How have I not seen this film before?! I love older-but-not-vintage romantic comedies and Meg Ryan (at least the 1993-version of her) is like the most beautiful woman in the world. (She's now in the top five in my list of actresses who were stunningly beautiful in the 80's but are kind of just meh now.)

Anyway, I loved the movie to bits. Loved it tender, was what I done. It was like a slightly less amusing but sweeter version of So I Married an Axe Murderer, just instead of axe murderers, lots of explicit parallels to An Affair to Remember.

God.

(Wipes sweat off of forehead.)

That was a lot of linking.

Anyway, it's Thursday night and I just found out that school has been cancelled tomorrow. That would make this the fifth snow day of the week. And then, we've got next Monday off because it's MLK day. I think it's awesome that all of us racist Southerners still get a day off on MLK day even though we were the ones persecuting the blacks. That way, there are nine more hours in our week which we can spend on committing hate crimes.

In case I haven't mentioned this to you darling leopard cubs, I've been sick the entire week. I just got better today. Three days of snow and I couldn't leave the house for all of them. Today, I'm better but I still wasn't supposed to go outside for any longer than ten minutes. I still did, though, because I'm a total bad-ass. And get this--not only did I go outside...but I went outside NAKED.

Okay, not really.

Right now I'm looking at a black desk lamp labelled with a yellow tab that says "la lampe," and in parentheses, "lahmp." Still working hard on my French. And across from me is a framed black-and-white photograph that I took for art last year. It's me on the driveway in a lawn chair. It's night, I'm wearing a baseball cap, and there's an empty lawn chair next to me. I'm looking off serenly into the distance. I think it's pretty sweet-beans. I had to take it with a timer, but it only lasted five seconds, so I had to set the time on the camera and then sprint down the driveway and leap into the chair.

Yeah, I know I don't have that video blog I was going on about. I'm working on it. I should have it ready within the next three minutes. So far I've gotten nine solid hours of film of me trying not to blink, then giggling wildly when I do blink and then eating a banana--over and over again. For nine hours.

Have any of you ever tried recording a YouTube video on YouTube itself using your Webcam? Tell me how that worked out for you. Then bake me a giant hollow cake with Megan Fox crouched inside it waiting to jump and surprise me. Make sure you put Megan Fox inside the cake after you bake the cake, not before.

Cheers,
That Blond Guy