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Sunday, January 16, 2011

A Drunken Revelation and Vampire Weekend

This drunken revelation just happens to be the result of half a spoonful of cooking sherry from the pantry, which even then I diluted with Ocean Spray cran-grape juice. Although I know probably a lot of my fellow teenagers drink. Show of hands: how many of you under 21 do drink at least occasionally? Nevermind--maybe I ought to do it in a poll. That would be interesting. And unanimous.

Here's my drunken revleation: people focus too much on sexual relationships to care about anything else. That's what people care about: sex, money, and occasionally their passion for the saxophone. Beginning at the age of five, kids are looking for a "relationship" to be in with the opposite sex.

It's like when my dad talked to two of the Prek-K kids at his school, one a boy and one a girl. He teasingly said to the girl, "Who is this? Is this your boyfriend?" She shook her head and replied, "No, he's my Ex."

I think people tend to want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, and sometimes they miss out on life because they're so eager to be in a relationship at such an early age. There's always the option of meaningless sex, which I think is a sincerely undervalued concept in society, but that's hard to come by these days what with the illegality of prostitution and women always wanting to know the man's name before they make wild, passionate love.

The point behind this drunken revelation? I think I'm fine being single for a while. I want to travel the world, try new things, and explore who I really am--and yeah, I kind of want to do it by myself, although I hope there's a lot of meaningless sex involved along the way. I have the rest of my lifetime to settle down with a nice blonde Jew and have a dozen children. It seems like everyone's rushing into relationships, and they consequently rush out of them. (I don't even keep track of the divorce rate anymore, even though that's mostly because I can't count.)

So why not do as Summer Finn suggests? Take advantage of your youth before you settle down with a spouse whom you're not even sure you're in love with. There will be time for relationships later, when you're actually concerned about the person you're marrying, not just their giant breasts or sensual eyebrows. If you find a nice girl/man along the way, great--squeeze out a few wee ones and spend the rest of your lives together. But in the meantime, can't you enjoy life by yourself?

I've just read over what I've written and I'm really disappointed because none of it's funny. Sorry, I'm in a ranting mood. Also, there's a very large Italian man standing behind me and reading over my shoulder, threatening to whip me with a belt if I try to make any weird jokes.

I've been at Barnes & Noble for the past few hours, and I finally bought George Orwell's 1984 and the album Contra by Vampire Weekend. The music is pretty stellar, but I don't like the band name at all. Everybody knows that vampires don't have weekends--every day of the week is a Thursday for them.

I'm also pretty proud of myself for going there, considering I have an irrational fear of being murdered in the bathroom of a Barnes & Noble.

Thank you guys for bearing with me with the vlog. Yeah, it was awkward. No, it wasn't really funny. And yeah, adorably awkward was the most I could muster. In answer to your other questions--no, the stuffed monkey is not available at your local Target and yes--I hope to vlog again some day. Hopefully by that time I'll be less coy around the camera. Maybe I'll even ask it to dinner and buy it flowers.

In addition to Vampire Weekend, I've been listening to the song Lola by the Kinks and am totally puzzled over the meaning of the lyrics. Seriously, look them over. Is Lola a transsexual? If so, that'd be really creepy, especially the bit about telling the main character "dear boy, I'm gonna make you a man." (Shivers.)

Important note: HAPPY MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY!!!!!!

Check out my vlog if you haven't already, and comment on this post leaving your middle names.

Cheers,
That Blond Guy

15 people secretly have a crush on me:

Lexa Be said...

Haha I've had a bottle of some fruity stuff. I have a really low tolerance for alcohol so that's all it took to get me to forget the night. Then again, it was like two years ago. Oh and wine is nasty, just putting that out there.

You're right you know. I was thinking about all this earlier as a matter of fact. Relationships are epic fail. Why? Well for one, I can't even manage to get one, but that's not the point I'm getting at. What I mean is, people always ignore their friends when they're in relationships. Like my friend Jason. He's my best friend, and I'm his, yet whenever he has a boyfriend I don't see him nearly at all. Same goes for any of my other friends, they disappear when they have boyfriends/girlfriends. It's lame.

Kudos on getting 1984. It's a horrid book, but one everyone needs to read at least once. Finish it and tell me what you think, k?

- Alexandra

P.S. Yes, that's my middle name, despite the fact I go by Lexa Be rather than Be Lexa haha

Eeshie said...

:-(
Not available at my local Target?? Where in NYC did you get it?

Aw, we don't expect every single thing you say to be a joke. No one would ever take you seriously then. I thought we already established that you have your "deep moments" with the whole Carpe Diem thing.

I do feel that people go into relationships too fast at too young of an age (ahem, pregnant teenagers, ahem), but I mean, it's not ALL bad. Relationships are still very important to our society and the future and pretty much every kind of aspect you could think of. But YES, I totally agree with you that people focus too much on those kind of relationships to care about anything else.

Hot damn, that was a long post :D

Mischief Managed said...

I don't really have an obsession with money, sex, alcohol (I've had a few sips of wine, but not enough for a hangover. Funny story. One summer my family was in Cape Cod and my parents went to this wine-tasting thing. Now, this was when they were amateur and stupid. They were like, okay, we can give many sips of wine to our 4 year old. I was asleep for 7 hours afterwards), or the saxophone, although I've often wished to pick up guitar (I'm much too lazy to actually give in to that though). I've actually never been in a real relationship before, and I'm not in a rush to. Some of my friends have been in one relationship, and now they can't go without being in one. I don't want to end up like that.

Mischief Managed said...

My comment looks small next to the other two. I feel lesser.

rose said...

1984- shudder. it's good, though.

rose xxx

Bookish.Spazz said...

Despite what you think, I actually got a few tiny laughs out of your post. Really, I think you set your hilarity standards too high, but I digress. I get what you mean about relationships and whatnot, but I think that instead of looking for relationships, or doing the exact opposite (avoiding them) people should just let things be. If you happen across someone you fancy, and they think your pretty cool, then why not be with them?

Oh, and this past New Year's I had champaign. I swear, worst thing my parents ever let me do. It tasted disgusting. But not as bad as straight vodka or whiskey, which will indeed put hair on your chest, even if you are the girliest girl out there.

Bookish.Spazz said...

Oh, and my middle name is Dora.

Mandy Thomas said...

Cooking sherry reminds me of Mary and Max when her mom would "test" the sherry

Yes, Lola is a transexual.

And meaningless sex doesn't sound very nice at all.
But relationships aren't all that great either.
Hmm...

tegan said...

I drink heavily occasionally. There I said it. Sorry, but parties just aren't parties without booze in England! hahah we're a wild bunch. And I know it sounds stupid and untrue, but I think I've found my life partner now, and all the fun things I plan to do I'm gonna do with him! Cos the only thing I can't do is sleep around, but I'm OK with that! :D

My middle name is Chloe-Rose... yeah, I know, pretty hardcore eh?

I think you should sort out that Italian man, or at least ask him where he got his belt.

Kassandrah said...

My middle name is Lynne.
I think you may be right about everyone rushing into relationships.

Kay said...

OH FUCK I JUST SCROLLED DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF YOUR PAGE AND IT SAYS WHERE I'M FROM THAT'S CREEPY MAN

Anyway, I don't have to be drunk to have revelations like that. SOmetimes I think that I have too much time to myself to think about things like that (omgzzz forever alloonnee wahh)

But yes, I concur. Being attracted to someone is very different from when you're five and when you're older, in my opinion. Mainly because sex becomes a factor when you realize that you're probably going to *do* it someday.

Boyd said...

My middle name is Boyd...being the source of my misleading blog name.

Awesome-ness about the anti-totalitarian literature and the rad music!

And I dunno if someone has already mentioned this, but Lola is about one of the Kinks - or possibly a friend - getting drunk and flirting with a transvestite. Musicians get all the fun, eh?

Jillian said...

I don't think I've met a teenager that hasn't drank some form of alcohol in their life.

I swore off boys till college.
It just bashed up my heart and wrecked my fun.
I like living for me instead of some guy.

Vampire Weekend!!!!

My middle name is Finn. Well, at least that's what I believe for a long time until looked at my birth certificate. Then it turned out to be just plain old Kristine. Except, it wasn't even with a K.
Just Christine. But cool fact?
My entire name, including my 10 letter last name is 26 letters, just like the alphabet.

RainboRevolver said...

I agreeeee with the relationship revelation :) but I still act stupidly about that sort of thing. I also agree with the meaningless sex bit, it should be valued more, and it's not slutty for me to think that one should be able to fulfill physical needs while having a good time without being emotionally bound to whoever for the rest of eternity. Ha, ok it's a little slutty.

I adore the Kinks. I am officially putting my Jew stamp of approval on your taste in music *stampity stamp*

So I have this theory that you are a male version of Summer Finn. Either that or Spiderman.

Have a nice day.

LionessWithoutAPride said...

"every day of the week is a Thursday for them."
Haha!

I don't have a middle name.