The Ring and an Incense Burner In the Form of a Severed Hand

There's something intensely entertaining to me about grade schoolers lip singing to alternative rock songs.

Love Lost

Tighten Up

On that curious note, greetings to all of my readers! For those of you who live in America: congratulations! Looks like a lot of us are going to have a snow day tomorrow. For those of you who don't live in America: well, that's what you get for not living in the most awesome country in the world besides Great Britain, Ireland, France, Denmark, Australia, New Zealand, Russia, Spain, South Africa, Canada, and about fifty seven other countries which are arguably more awesome than The United States.

The first week back from the break was hard, partly because it's always difficult to transition from two weeks of leisure time to several months of solid schooling, but mostly because this week was the first time I've ever gone to school without any legs. Mind you, it's not as fun as it sounds.

Friday and Saturday I spent in Savannah at an Academic Team tournament. 'Twas loads of fun, even though the bus ride to the hotel was over five hours. The time went by really fast though, considering we were all naked and lathered in peanut oil for the duration of the bus ride. It's just like they say, I guess. Time flies when you're having an Ancient Roman peanut oil orgy.

Since I'm pretty awful at Academic Team, I was on the "bench" a lot during the tournament. I wrote a few short stories instead, and doodled a lot of pictures of puppies and the Eiffel Tower. We also had dinner that night at a restaurant that's supposed to be like the eighth nicest on that block, so that was fun. The guy I was sitting across from had never heard of Alfred Hitchcock.

Most notably, we went to lunch at the food court in the mall, and I also got THIS:



Yep, it was pretty much love at first sight for me and this hand. I was thinking about buying a hermit crab as a pet to surprise my family, but apparently you have to bathe hermit crabs every day and as the owner of the hermit crab I would need to be trained in hermit crab CPR and possess a hermit crab AED in case of emergency. So I decided on the hand. I brought it to the counter with a smile on my face.

"Good afternoon," I said.

"Good afternoon," she echoed. "Do you just want the incense burner, then?"

That's when it dawned on me that it was an incense burner. I was startled, but not put off--sort of the feeling you get when you discover that the boy dog you bought three years ago is in fact a girl dog, and your vet is not in fact a licensed vet but a life-sized puppet.

"An incense burner?!" I repeated with a drunk giggle. "Is that what it is?"

And that was the beginning of our journey together. Since then we've had a number of amazing adventures. Ice skating, flying on dragons, playing games, watching Boston Legal, holding hands, brushing each other's teeth, and snuggling. It also replies to my text messages for me whenever I'm not available.



I think it slacks off when I'm not around to encourage it, though, because I'm getting a lot of calls asking me why I haven't replied to messages. That's okay, though. We all have our flaws.

In other news, I also watched The Ring all the way through for the first time ever. I ain't messin' around, brother, that movie is terrifying. I'm not easily scared by horror movies, but that one is totally messed up. I'm getting the collywobbles just thinking about the ending. I also discovered that the woman's son is Charles Wallace!!! That was like seeing Brick Heck in The Unborn. (I kept imagining he'd say to his mother, "He wants to get born." Then look down and whisper to himself, "get born.")

I think the only thing that kept me from dying of shock was remembering The Ring parody in Scary Movie 3. I still think it was the stupidest movie ever made before the filming of The Hangover, but I owe my life to it.

I appreciated the responses on my last post about cell phone ring tones. In response to all of your questions, yes having a default ring tone makes you a bad person, and yes, not having a ring tone at all makes you an even worse person. Those of you who had ring tones had pretty awesome ones, though. So Kudos to you guys.



Mmmm....delicious.

Cheers,
That Blond Guy