Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I Gave Away my Entire Lifesavings and Two Family Members for that Potato Chip with Jesus' Face On It

I'm feeling especially guilty, too, because I waited about four seconds before I ate it.

Right now I'm listening to the only good song by Katrina and the Waves, "Walking on Sunshine," neglecting to watch the State of the Union address but willing to record it so I can watch it over the weekend, and drawing a hot bath. Seriously, don't judge me--I'm so sore from my first and very intense short distance track practice that I have trouble walking up and down the stairs. Don't even get me started on how difficult masturbating is either. We sprinted diagonally across the football field, jogged across the short way, and then sprinted back across the field. We did that eight times. We then did drills, helped to set up the mats for pole vaulting, and then did eight more sprints across the football field before stretching. By the way, my coach's definition of stretching involves tugging on whatever feels tight for a couple seconds and then jogging over to the gas station to buy him a pack of cigarettes. I think I deserve a nice bubble bath, don't you think?

Did I tell you guys that I went to the Blue Man Group over the weekend? I don't think so, but you would know if you all were dutiful readers of The Chin Scratcher. (Just kidding--don't read that blog. It's insufferable.) But honestly, the Blue Man Group was totally amazing. Astounding. I would tell you about it, but that would make it lame. There was this one part where they had this really long camera tube that they shoved down a guy's throat, and they showed the inside of his throat on the big screen. The whole thing was drifting a bit from performance art and borderlining pagan sun-worship ritual.

Here's a question probably all of you have asked yourselves: why do people always answer "Good" when people ask "How are you?" even though it's rarely just as simple as "good"? It reminds me of when my family and I were driving back from Texas this year on New Years' Day. We stopped by Sonic for a quick lunch before we got to the airport. When the waitress delivered the food to our car, my mom asked, "How are you?"

The woman responded, "Okay, I guess. Life is pretty crazy. I'm really stressed out right now."

Mom just said she was sorry to hear that, gave her the cash, took the food, and wished her a Happy New Year. The woman responded, "Happy New Year? I hope so. Probably not, though."

I interrupt this post to announce that apparently our house is without warm water and my muscles have no chance of loosening up before practice tomorrow unless I drive to the nearest massage clinic and sign up for a massage with an expert named Leslie who sounds like a hot chick with dimples and red hair but turns out to be a 6'2 man named Leslie, which turns out to be a moderately common boys' name in some parts of the country.

Now I'm listening to the Kinks again and I've just noticed that the main guy has a really enormous gap between his front two teeth. People pay to have teeth like that. Well, not people. Beavers. Beavers do.

The last poll has done closed up. I'm really sorry to those of you who do find me annoying, and I hope you can be frank with me about how I can change. Better yet, vote on the new poll about your taste in music/adulterers, and just remember that your answer says a lot about you.

Let me just conclude by saying that I love all of you so much and each and every one of you means so much to me and I hope you never leave me! Your comments make me so happy and without all of you I'd probably still be watching "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" and eating peanut butter out of the jar on a spoon every Friday night. Which already sounds you better keep reading!

That Blond Guy

14 people secretly have a crush on me:

Eeshie said...

Urg. Now I want a bubble bath!'ve done this to me, Chirstopher...

Eeshie said...

Urg. Now I want a bubble bath!'ve done this to me, Chirstopher...

Hannah Marie said...

Same here! My english teacher is making us watch the state of the union address and take notes on it for homework :/

Jillian said...

I never use my bubble bath.

Walking on Sunshine is a great song, but Katrina and the Waves are kind of a one hit wonder.

Darling, don't tell me about how sore you are from an hour of running around. I went skiing for 12 hours this past weekend and the next day I could barely walk.
jk, I know it hurts, but in a good way, right?

There was this girl I met at school, and when she asked me how I was and I replied "Good" she said something rather profound.
"Good as in the dictionary definition of good, or good for the lack of a better adjective"

Shenge said...

Over in Australia we have a knack for saying what we're not. For example;

"How are you?"
"Yeah not bad."

"What are you doing?"
"Not a lot."

We are a funny people. On that note, happy Australia Day :D

Furree Katt said...

i respond with 'good' to every question regarding my well-being!
and i do hope your Leslie doesn't turn out to be a man.

RainboRevolver said...

Track is the devil! Just kidding, as long as you dont have to wear those Manly-as-Hell booty shorts >< ohh dear.

I haven't commented in a while, so uh hey!

Have a nice day.

Kassandrah said...

I love you too.
The secret life of the american teenager went downhill after the first season.
Everytime I listen to a Regina Spektor song I think of you.

tegan said...

Haha, I watched Secret Life of the American Teenager for a while, just because I realllyyy want to be an American teenager! :D but that slutty girl and that Christian girl just got on my nerves.

And I have to agree with the comment above, about listening to Regina Spektor. I'm like "hmm maybe that Blond Guy is listening to the same song at the same time as me and we both just don't know it"


Nicolas Lopez said...

Lol! The same thing happened to me last week. We were at a Chinese restaurant and the waitress asks us, "How are you doing today?" so we respong "Good, you?" And so she turns to me and says
"Good because I like your hair style!"
it was a very awkward moment...

Boyd said...

Mmmm...peanut butter spoon...

Even though I might have said it on The Chin Scratcher, that's pretty sweet about Blue Man Group! Sadly, I think the throat-footage they use is looks the same every time...Hopefully I didn't just ruin your innocence for good.

By the way, I also think of you whenever I listen to Regina Spektor, probably because of your post(s) dedicated to her and her amazing-ness.

Bookish.Spazz said...

I'm seeing the Blue Man Group this summer...


When I go to Harry Potter world they'll be perfoming at Universal Studios.

I'm not so sure I want to see them now.

Mischief Managed said...

The immature in me is coming out... you have 69 followers :|

Shay said...

I just wanted to say all your posts make me smile.