Wednesday, October 13, 2010

An Imaginary Telescope and a Sobbing Fat Man in Panda Express

Want to know one of the things I like most about nerds? A lot of the time, they make really quality nerd jokes. Just like all the best gay jokes come from gay people, nerds make really good nerd jokes.

I was sitting with a bunch of friends today at--you guessed it--lunch. One of them at some point described himself as a nerd, and a few other people reminded him that everyone sitting at that table was a nerd. Hearing this, another kid at the table formed an imaginary telescope with his hands and started peering through it around the cafeteria, occassionally saying things like "I can see the world so much better through this handy telescope," and "Submarine Captain Sir, I think I just spotted a giant squid!"

At this point, a kid walks up to the table with his tray who used to hang out with us but doesn't really anymore. I could easily read the expression on his furrowed brow. He was scanning the guys at the table with his eyes and thinking, "Am I too cool to sit with these kids?"

I decided to help him make his decision by pointing an imaginary telescope at him and pronouncing loudly in a robotic voice, "Unidentifiable craft has just entered radar, Captain! Launch first torpedo! Bam bam bam bam..." Yeah, he was gone before I could launch that torpedo.

TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT IN AN OVERWHELMINGLY ABRUPT MANNER: Last week I e-mailed the editors of Teen Ink magazine saying that I had not been receiving the issues which I had already paid for. They responded saying they would send me all the issues no charge as soon as possible. The day after, I discovered that we had already been getting the magazines and my parents were simply forgetting to give them to me. So I sent the editor this e-mail back:

Mrs. Olsen,

Please forgive me. Our mistake. I just figured out that the reason we haven't been receiving the magazine issues is because my family has been vacationing in Panama for the last month.



Yeah, easy problem to fix. FINALLY, I have to quote my friend in an e-mail he sent me last week:

"I ate at Panda Express last night. I saw some fat guy in the corner crying over his orange chicken as he shoveled it into his mouth. Then I realized I was looking at a mirror."

He's a genius, he is.


That Blond Guy

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