Friday, October 8, 2010

Crushes: Nothing Is Getting Crushed Except Fresh Mangoes Into Fruit Smoothies

"That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else."

What else would they call them, Mr. Baker? Because I'm pretty sure they wouldn't call them "squeezies." Would you ever leave a note in someone's locker which told them you had a squeezie on them? Would people ever say they had a celebrity squeezie on Brad Pitt? Do people have squeezies on the girl next door? No! That's not at all appropriate and oddly sexual-sounding.

Movies, such as Sixteen Candles, do make a good point about crushes. Most of the time, they're utterly hopeless and childish. They lead to nowhere except heartbreak and a lot of frustration taken out on your cat.

But let's explore the positive aspect of crushes, shall we?

The crushes/flirting stage of relationships for teenagers is, arguably, the most exhilarating. After that comes first dates, second dates, potentially sex, arguments, and the break-up. Most of the rest are typically uncomfortable, long, boring, and awkward. I think it's the fact that for a lot of us, after we get what we want, we don't want it anymore.

There is something oddly satisfying about drooling after a girl or guy who you know you stand no chance with. Something so satisfying that you don't mind that whenever you wave to this person in passing, they don't even look at you. All you need is to stare at their flawless profile during the entirety of science class (whoops--that's probably just me) and feel giddy and hopeful all day long.

Plus, you know that you can get out of the relationship anytime you want, because the "relationship" is pretty much limited to a lot of stalkerish gawking and stuttered compliments. In about two months at the very most, this person is going to be off your radar. That's oddly, (very oddly), liberating.

Still, there's always that aspect of crushes that Mr. Baker and other coming-of-ages always seem to discuss. When you like the other person too much, they're sometimes sickening. Like a disease, really. When the crush is deep enough, you feel both giddy and depressed at the same time, which often results in indigestion.

That's where I am. Remember the "goddess" I mentioned a while back? Well, she's still there, and she's no less majestic. She's also very popular. Alas, that brings us to the more unpleasant side of being a nerd: you can't date popular girls until after college when you start making the dough.

I've actually written her a poem. (That I haven't given her, of course.) I know, yes. It's very sweet and all that. "Adorable," some of you might suggest. "Cute" is a word a few of you will dare to utter.

Anyway, that's the end of that. I'm feeling the mingled giddy-depression I mentioned earlier. It doesn't feel good.

ON A DIFFERENT NOTE: I lost my flashdrive. Alas, that's not fated to happen to anyone except me. About a month ago, I lost all of my files. Now that I've given up on trying to recover them, I look for my flashdrive to re-download the files. And I can't find my flashdrive. I guess that's just how much God loves me.

A lot of "0 Comments" I've been seeing lately. I guess that's my fault, as my posts after been pretty pathetic. But I need your support, friends. I have a feeble self-esteem.


That Blond Guy

10 people secretly have a crush on me:

Smokey_Cat said...

How do you know whether your special someone does not secretly read your blog?


findingMuse. said...

I am so totally telling somebody I have a squeezie on them now, it's great.

It doesn't work in such a way for me, because I end liking guys I'm close friends with and then it's horrible because they notice (as I am the most subtle person in the world) and if anything goes wrong.... Yeaaaah. Besides, there's a fine line between too soon and too late, and I've never found it.

I've liked different sorts of boys, only one really popular.. We never started talking until after I got over him, though. Lately I've been chasing after a fellow nerd.

I broke my flashdrive. D:

That Blond Guy said...

Smokey_Cat: Oh, I'm pretty sure. She doesn't seem like the blogging type. This blog is, more or less, anonymous. Even if they did, I'd be secretly delighted. They would know I exist and that I have a wee crush on them.

findingMuse: Oh, please do! And tell me about the expression on their face after you say it!

Good, so you can sympathize with the flashdrive situation.

Thanks, guys!

findingMuse. said...

I think he's gonna just laugh at me, but I'll ask multiple people of either gender to see how it goes.

Yeah. I haven't bought a new one since.

And reading your reply to smokey-cat... The world would be so much more convenient if more people were bloggers.

Smokey_Cat said...

Finding Muse and Blonde Guy:

Yes, it would be interesting, and I found that blogging is very therapeutic. Although I am caught between keeping my blog anonymous and venting about everything that bugs me without people coming up to me and questioning me if I am ok/sane/upset etc or letting people know who I am,so that my blog gets more attention. :s

Sometimes I really don't know what is better.

An Abundance of Ramen said...

Hon, honestly, I like your blog. You're a funny guy. But seriously, you can't always expect everyone to comment, because they don't always. And that's how blogging is.
I feel like that could be a metaphor for life, but I don't know how.

That Blond Guy said...

An Abundance of Ramen: Aw...come on. I was just joking. If you're going to read this blog, you have to learn not to take me seriously. I don't really complain that much. It's all part of the joke.

(Shakes head disappointedly.)

An Abundance of Ramen said...


That Blond Guy said...

Heh heh. (Nervous laugh.)


An Abundance of Ramen said...

I am disappointed in your lack of knowledge in random internet phrases... tsk, tsk.