Loud noises! Loud noises!

The deceitful illusion that is gripping the mind of every foolish teenager across the world in overwhelming numbers is that parties were created in order for the victim to "have fun." The government is lying to you! Parties are not fun! Don't go! Save yourself!!!

I would say that parties are out to get me. Fortunately, they're not. Parties avoid me. Partying and me--we've come to an agreement.

If you have visited the poll on the right and bubbled in the answer with your deceitful pointer that you are a nerd, but on the other hand--you like parties, you've just earned a one-way ticket out of this blog. (That was a joke, you know. Please don't go. I'd miss you so much. Don't go!!! I need you!!!)

MY THREE MAIN ISSUES AT HAND:

1) How do I get through college if I hate parties?

2) How do I get through life if I hate parties?

3) Parties in general

Why don't I like them? Too loud. Too much dancing. Too many happy people. I have no idea what to do. You either have to dance, get high, or make out--none of which are likely options for me. My head goes into overload. Hence the title. If I'm at a social event where I don't want to be for more than five minutes, I tend to shout "Loud noises! Loud noises!" If I'm in a bad mood after that, I might just pull a paper bag over my head, curl up into a ball, and rock back and forth.

Those who party and those who don't were made at opposite ends of the spectrum of life. On one side: those who party. On the other side: those who don't. On the first side: those magazine-cover couples who giggle and shout at Starbucks over two cups of coffee. On the second side: the couples who look off into the distance over coffee, silent except for sniffles and sighs. On the first side: those who go to AMC. On the second side: those who use Netflix. On the first side: those who make it onto TV. On the second side: those who watch the first people on TV and cry while eating chocolate ice cream in their underwear.

But you know what? I kind of like being on the second side. There's writing, art, and reading. There's silence. There are TV sitcoms. No drugs or drinking. And my favorite: the jocks and Barbies don't like it! They don't like it --> I do.

I LOVE being pathetic!