Monday, February 15, 2010

Loud noises! Loud noises!

The deceitful illusion that is gripping the mind of every foolish teenager across the world in overwhelming numbers is that parties were created in order for the victim to "have fun." The government is lying to you! Parties are not fun! Don't go! Save yourself!!!

I would say that parties are out to get me. Fortunately, they're not. Parties avoid me. Partying and me--we've come to an agreement.

If you have visited the poll on the right and bubbled in the answer with your deceitful pointer that you are a nerd, but on the other hand--you like parties, you've just earned a one-way ticket out of this blog. (That was a joke, you know. Please don't go. I'd miss you so much. Don't go!!! I need you!!!)


1) How do I get through college if I hate parties?

2) How do I get through life if I hate parties?

3) Parties in general

Why don't I like them? Too loud. Too much dancing. Too many happy people. I have no idea what to do. You either have to dance, get high, or make out--none of which are likely options for me. My head goes into overload. Hence the title. If I'm at a social event where I don't want to be for more than five minutes, I tend to shout "Loud noises! Loud noises!" If I'm in a bad mood after that, I might just pull a paper bag over my head, curl up into a ball, and rock back and forth.

Those who party and those who don't were made at opposite ends of the spectrum of life. On one side: those who party. On the other side: those who don't. On the first side: those magazine-cover couples who giggle and shout at Starbucks over two cups of coffee. On the second side: the couples who look off into the distance over coffee, silent except for sniffles and sighs. On the first side: those who go to AMC. On the second side: those who use Netflix. On the first side: those who make it onto TV. On the second side: those who watch the first people on TV and cry while eating chocolate ice cream in their underwear.

But you know what? I kind of like being on the second side. There's writing, art, and reading. There's silence. There are TV sitcoms. No drugs or drinking. And my favorite: the jocks and Barbies don't like it! They don't like it --> I do.

I LOVE being pathetic!

4 people secretly have a crush on me:

thecircusbird said...

I don't party. It's a known fact. I don't know how to make friends either. It's not sad. I'd rather draw, watch antiques roadshow and drink tea, anyway.

Sam West said...

Ah... parties...

-I trip over my own feet, so dancing is not an option...
(unless I have 7 colas and it's 2 AM)
(trust me... -not something you want to see)

Starbucks is a wonderful place to mourn. -everyone is falling asleep, hence why they're there in the first place. (so you fit right in)

I find that it's cheaper just to by the iTunes movie rather than go to the theater. (Unless... of course, there is a "I have to see it, other wise I will die" movie showing.)

When I'm sad, I go for the tub of cookie dough rather than ice cream... as I watch the news...
(yeah... -no comment)

-In conclusion-
I agree, the second side is the better side.
Because though they're at those parties getting high and having sex, -We won't wake up with a hangover.


Anonymous said...

so i know sam. i hear you're dating? thats cool. so whats the story behind it? howd you meet?

(watch out)
(stranger danger)
(shower creeper)
just kidding
ask sam who this is. she'll know :)
i love her.

Lost in the Post said...

Hey there. You're funny and I pretty much agree with 87% of what you post up here. Keep blogging!
That is all.