Chacun Voit Midi à sa Porte

Et les plus sûrs du sexe n'est pas le sexe.

I have a rubric for the Nerd Archives post imprinted so vividly on my mind that I can close my eyes and read it word-for-word. First on the checklist is a bizarrely obscure or peculiar title that exceeds four words. Check. Next on the checklist is an opening sentence and/or paragraph which compliments the title not by explaining it, but by making a slightly more humorous but equally disturbing/confusing/obscure remark somewhat related to the title. Check. I also get bonus points for the foreign language. The third item on the rubric applies only during holidays or nation-wide current events, and it involves me addressing it and then choosing whether or not to base the rest of the post on that holiday or current event.

So at this point in the post, I would wish everyone a pleasant Mardi Gras, perhaps mention my family's tradition of eating pancakes for dinner on Mardi Gras, and then totally abandon the topic. I, however, refuse to wish anyone here a Happy Mardi Gras.

Mardi Gras, the French translation of "Fat Tuesday"--Mardi being "Tuesday" and Gras meaning "Fat"--is the most sacreligious holiday in existence, excluding Halloween.

Halloween, or All Hallows' Eve, was a holiday so trivial that it was not even mentioned on the Christian calendar, the eve to All Saints' Day. It involved the children dressing up as demons or witches and parading around town for a grand total of nine and a half minutes. It was, however, commercialized and celebrated so heartily that it, mixed with the materialistic culture of today, became one of the most popular holidays in the year. All Saints' Day, however, which has genuine religious and spiritual value, was left in the dust like the third Bronte sister or the fifth Beatle.

Mardi Gras, similarly, was a day during which families would use up the remainder of their oil and butter and sugar before the day of Ash Wednesday and the liturgical season of Lent, a forty-day period of fasting and reflection. Soon, however, it turned into a celebratory occasion. After that, flipping New Orleans laid its fat little eyes on it and turned it into another Halloween. Lent, like All Saints' Day, is still observed by some denominations of Christianity, but ignored by most Protestants and unheard of to the general public.

It used to be balanced: one day of celebration and then forty days of self-discipline. Now all that's left is the day of celebration. Furthermore, in consideration of commercialism in our society today, it's more like two and a half weeks of celebration for Mardi Gras and no mention of Lent or Ash Wednesday. You should not celebrate Mardi Gras unless you observe Ash Wednesday. There, I said it.

This is the point where I finish raving like a lunatic and foaming at the mouth and look around the room, panting slightly with a wild look in my eye, and realize that every eye in the room is on me. Kind of like this scene in Back to the Future except in my situation, some people are crying.

Sorry, I'm in a phase of my faith where I'm more doubt than faith. In fact, there's so little faith that when other people talk about their faith in God or how much God loves us, I squirm like I'm possessed and the Exorcist is flinging holy water on me. I have to over-compensate by criticizing the rest of the population fiercely and unmercilessly, as if I were a Baptist.

I hope none of you were too weirded out by my last post. It was pretty out there. I summed it up in my explanation to Mandy Thomas concerning the influences for the post: a psychological thriller movie fest I had on Saturday, Stephen King novels, and a lot of LSD.

My Spring Break has been great so far--thanks for asking. One problem with going to a private school where all your friends are rich is that they're always vacationing in places like Italy or the Bahamas and so you never see them during breaks. I, however, am antisocial and don't mind too much. This Thursday we think we're going to go to the Georgia Aquarium, my favourite tourist attraction in the state and one out of two aquariums in the world to hold whale sharks. (The other is in Japan.)

On Friday, then, we want to go to the Breman Holocaust Museum so my brother and I can hug a Holocaust survivor, the very first item on our Bucket List. I probably won't see any of my friends until Saturday, when we're planning to vandalize some old lady's home and then mugging some cripples. It should be a fun time.

I've been in a horror-movie mood for the past few days. First of all, it's been cloudly and chilly for the past week or so. Also, my brother and I discovered a haunted house in the middle of the woods behind our house. It's seemingly abandoned and surrounded by liquor bottles from the early 20th century. Very creepy. And for me, visiting a haunted house and not watching a horror movie is like having a bite of cheese cake and not coming back for more later. Or re-reading the first book of the Harry Potter series and not re-reading the rest. Or watching thirty minutes of the sci-fi channel and not wanting to run to the bathroom to get some moisturizing lotion and...nevermind.

Anyway, I have to go to this party with super-rich and super-popular people. Yeah, I know it's lame, but since I'm so super-rich and super-popular and good-looking as well, it's kind of my obligation to go. If you haven't voted on my poll yet, please do so. And I'll see you leprechaun demon babies later.

Cheers,
That Blond Guy