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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Chacun Voit Midi à sa Porte

Et les plus sûrs du sexe n'est pas le sexe.

I have a rubric for the Nerd Archives post imprinted so vividly on my mind that I can close my eyes and read it word-for-word. First on the checklist is a bizarrely obscure or peculiar title that exceeds four words. Check. Next on the checklist is an opening sentence and/or paragraph which compliments the title not by explaining it, but by making a slightly more humorous but equally disturbing/confusing/obscure remark somewhat related to the title. Check. I also get bonus points for the foreign language. The third item on the rubric applies only during holidays or nation-wide current events, and it involves me addressing it and then choosing whether or not to base the rest of the post on that holiday or current event.

So at this point in the post, I would wish everyone a pleasant Mardi Gras, perhaps mention my family's tradition of eating pancakes for dinner on Mardi Gras, and then totally abandon the topic. I, however, refuse to wish anyone here a Happy Mardi Gras.

Mardi Gras, the French translation of "Fat Tuesday"--Mardi being "Tuesday" and Gras meaning "Fat"--is the most sacreligious holiday in existence, excluding Halloween.

Halloween, or All Hallows' Eve, was a holiday so trivial that it was not even mentioned on the Christian calendar, the eve to All Saints' Day. It involved the children dressing up as demons or witches and parading around town for a grand total of nine and a half minutes. It was, however, commercialized and celebrated so heartily that it, mixed with the materialistic culture of today, became one of the most popular holidays in the year. All Saints' Day, however, which has genuine religious and spiritual value, was left in the dust like the third Bronte sister or the fifth Beatle.

Mardi Gras, similarly, was a day during which families would use up the remainder of their oil and butter and sugar before the day of Ash Wednesday and the liturgical season of Lent, a forty-day period of fasting and reflection. Soon, however, it turned into a celebratory occasion. After that, flipping New Orleans laid its fat little eyes on it and turned it into another Halloween. Lent, like All Saints' Day, is still observed by some denominations of Christianity, but ignored by most Protestants and unheard of to the general public.

It used to be balanced: one day of celebration and then forty days of self-discipline. Now all that's left is the day of celebration. Furthermore, in consideration of commercialism in our society today, it's more like two and a half weeks of celebration for Mardi Gras and no mention of Lent or Ash Wednesday. You should not celebrate Mardi Gras unless you observe Ash Wednesday. There, I said it.

This is the point where I finish raving like a lunatic and foaming at the mouth and look around the room, panting slightly with a wild look in my eye, and realize that every eye in the room is on me. Kind of like this scene in Back to the Future except in my situation, some people are crying.

Sorry, I'm in a phase of my faith where I'm more doubt than faith. In fact, there's so little faith that when other people talk about their faith in God or how much God loves us, I squirm like I'm possessed and the Exorcist is flinging holy water on me. I have to over-compensate by criticizing the rest of the population fiercely and unmercilessly, as if I were a Baptist.

I hope none of you were too weirded out by my last post. It was pretty out there. I summed it up in my explanation to Mandy Thomas concerning the influences for the post: a psychological thriller movie fest I had on Saturday, Stephen King novels, and a lot of LSD.

My Spring Break has been great so far--thanks for asking. One problem with going to a private school where all your friends are rich is that they're always vacationing in places like Italy or the Bahamas and so you never see them during breaks. I, however, am antisocial and don't mind too much. This Thursday we think we're going to go to the Georgia Aquarium, my favourite tourist attraction in the state and one out of two aquariums in the world to hold whale sharks. (The other is in Japan.)


On Friday, then, we want to go to the Breman Holocaust Museum so my brother and I can hug a Holocaust survivor, the very first item on our Bucket List. I probably won't see any of my friends until Saturday, when we're planning to vandalize some old lady's home and then mugging some cripples. It should be a fun time.

I've been in a horror-movie mood for the past few days. First of all, it's been cloudly and chilly for the past week or so. Also, my brother and I discovered a haunted house in the middle of the woods behind our house. It's seemingly abandoned and surrounded by liquor bottles from the early 20th century. Very creepy. And for me, visiting a haunted house and not watching a horror movie is like having a bite of cheese cake and not coming back for more later. Or re-reading the first book of the Harry Potter series and not re-reading the rest. Or watching thirty minutes of the sci-fi channel and not wanting to run to the bathroom to get some moisturizing lotion and...nevermind.

Anyway, I have to go to this party with super-rich and super-popular people. Yeah, I know it's lame, but since I'm so super-rich and super-popular and good-looking as well, it's kind of my obligation to go. If you haven't voted on my poll yet, please do so. And I'll see you leprechaun demon babies later.

Cheers,
That Blond Guy

14 people secretly have a crush on me:

Jillian said...

I don't know why, but I always loved Louisiana, and people generally associate it with Mardi Gras.

I agree that it's not really fair to have a party holiday if you aren't going to pay for it afterward.

Modern religion is really messed up.

Have fun being rich, good looking and popular.

Lane said...

Well, happy spring break to you. The GA aquarium is a great choice on Thursday. It's been awhile since I've been there but I love it. The whale sharks are beautiful. good luck with that trip to your creepy haunted house in the backyard and your fancy super rich good looking party

erin :) said...

Happy Mardi Gras to you too! I never really knew when/what that was, so it's exciting to read about it. Harhar.

And sadly, no I'm not in a band; I just went to a band competition and appreciated their music. :] If you're interested/wanna look em up, the bands that played were Fit for Hounds (more intense-y than the others), Tomten (they won), Northern Departure (bluegrass group) and the Oh Wells (Vancouver girl-ish band). So there's your daily dose of Pacific Northwest for ya! :)

And I think that's awesome you're going to the aquarium! I love visiting aquariums. Take pics bro.

Tegan said...

Mardi is French for Tuesday - that statement is correct. But in French they say "gros" not "gras" for fat. So I think it might be Spanish or something. I don't know. *slaps own face*

Thank you for complementing my bun hair :) Meryl Streep is indeed a sexy woman. Photography exams entail you sitting in a room and printing stuff off and sticking stuff down for 10 hours. I love how you used the phrase "what the flip".. that's sort of like really innocent British kids. Most of us say What The Fuck. Not gonna lie. And I am good thank you, how are you? Hope you're well after your previously described rage...

THIS IS BECOMING AN E-MAIL NOW... HEAVENS ABOVE!!

That Blond Guy said...

Jillian: My cousin is the fiddle champion of Louisiana. Just saying. I've never been particularly fond of the state, but I'm rarely particularly fond of anything. And I agree.

Also, religion has always been messed up.

Lane: Oh, you've been there? Isn't it incredible? I just think it's perfect.

Erin: No no no no no! I said I REFUSED to wish anymore a Happy Mardy Gras! They ain't no Mardi Gras in my house!

I'll check out the bands and try to remember to take those pics. Thanks.

Tegan: It depends on the use of the word "fat." "Gras" is not modifying the word "Mardi" saying that it is fat, but rather it is referring to the oil that was exhausted on Fat Tuesday. It is talking about fat such as the food group "fats and oils." Hence, "Mardi Gras." "Fat" in Spanish is "gordo."

Your welcome for complimenting your bun hair. (That sounded strange.) I have sexual dreams about Meryl Streep.

I'm not a really innocent British kid, but I am a really innocent American kid. My mother is a priest, you understand, and I'm just coming out of the fifteen-year-long phase where I was tentative about cursing. I swear occasionally, but I'm not very good at it. Furthermore, my friends and I are trying to bring the word "flip/flippin'" back from the 90's. It all started when one of us mentioned that he used to go to a school called "Flippin Elementary School."

Eeshie said...

Grr...

We had our February Break about two weeks ago. My Spring Break is in April.

UGH. I can't wait that long!

Omigoshes. I saw this really tall blonde guy walking down the street clad in skinny jeans today, and something about him reminded me of YOU.

...I think it had to with his awkwardness.

Lane said...

yeah, I live fairly close to it so I've been able to go a few times actually and I just love it!

Abby said...

There's a third Bronte sister?
Or are you being sarcastic I can't tell maybe I'll google it maybe not whatever.
Happy Mardi Gras, I'm gonna go dance around a maypole naked in the snow like the pagan I am

Alga Coho said...

Well atleast you're on your holidays! i still have to finish an essay and two projects before mine! and don't worry i'm poorer than the average bear and won't be going on holiday too!

Bookish.Spazz said...

New Orleans is my favorite party town. Don't diss it.

Just kidding, you're entitled to you're opinion :) But really, I visit New Orleans often, and it's really not that bad.

And all this time I thought you would have enjoyed the Mardi Gras festivities because it involded girls flashing their breasts for cheap beads made in China.

I guess I was wrong.

Hannah Marie said...

Woah I completely forgot today was Mardi Gras! I used to live in the middle east and we would have this huge festival, but I haven't celebrated it in sooo long.

Adrienne said...

*openly has a crush on you*

Shenge said...

I think it is impossible to have a bite of cheesecake without there being following bites... it's just not doable.

And we all have our crises (right word?) of faith at times, I've kinda had mine and am still sort of feeling remedial effects but it's mostly all good now. Hope you find what you're looking for (if that's even what's in question).

Adios.

Adrienne said...

That title totally sums up everything you've said in the post. lol