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Saturday, March 19, 2011

Aquarium Pictures, Penis, and Getting High Off of Theater

I really, honestly wish I was a theater geek.

Half of the kids in my drawing class are only taking this course because they're trying to cram in visual arts credits before they go to college. Many of them are fans of Bruno Mars and Lady Gaga, are attractive and socially adequate, and have no valid interest whatsoever in expressing themselves through art. Artists should be slightly freaky-looking, shy people who hunch, dye their hair vibrant colours, and go to poetry slams on the weekends. At my school, most of the kids who take art are cheerleaders/lacrosse players, have good hygiene, and possess absolutely zero creativity.

Theater kids, on the other hand, are passionate. They are fully aware that they might be persecuted for choosing an elective that might be considered, as the young ones say these days, "lame." Guys might be called gay, and girls might be called square, but they choose to do it still. And because they choose to do it despite their reputation, you know that they are passionate.

I saw the school musical last Friday. It was absolutely phenomenal. I cannot even begin to imagine the work they have to go through to prepare for a play like that. Furthermore, it astounds me how one can so totally and completely adopt the role of a total stranger and pull it off for an hour and a half. And the look in their eyes after the play was over and they went out to shake hands and give hugs to everbody? It was the happiest look in the world. That night, I wanted nothing more in life than to give up art and join the school musical.

On a different note, I promised you guys aquarium pictures, so aquarium pictures are what you're going to get! If you're not comfortable seeing any nude photos, skip the third, sixth, and ninth ones on this list. If you're put off by photographs of great white sharks eating scuba divers or dolphins procreating, then...well, there's just nothing left for you, is there?


This is a jellyfish trying to touch its toes. It's been slacking off of exercising for the past couple of weeks, watching Judge Judy and eating nutella ice cream, so it's having difficulty, in case you can't tell.

This is a grayish-whitish-bluish shark of some kind looking mean and scary because it's a shark and sharks are mean and scary.
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This is one of the two only whale sharks kept in an aquarium in the entire world, except for Japan's, and it's reminding me intensely of the big torturo in the movie Torturo.
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This is a penguin making me feel guilty for going to the aquarium where they imprison innocent penguins because I'm remembering the movie Happy Feet.
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This is my brother, Kevin, hunching because he's given up on life and is suffering from severe depression.
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This is an octopus trying to give me a hug and failing miserably.
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This is a beluga whale named Bertha. I don't know if her real name is Bertha, or if she really is a she, but doesn't she remind you of a Bertha? She also has a huge forehead. Actually, maybe that's what we should call her: Forehead.
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This is a bunch of stuff.
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This is me trying to catch the eye of a muscular, Italian guy at the other end of the room who doesn't look like he's into guys, but how could I really know unless I make a move on him?
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At the end of the day, we left the aquarium with smiling faces and stomachs full of fried fish. Our day took a turn for the worst, however, when we walked through the revolving doors and ran into a young lady who was violently sick. Just like how I'm a sympathetic crier, yawner, sneezer, and laugher, I start to feel really sick when I see people throw up. I never actually throw up, but I feel queasy all day until I go home and eat a bowl of my favourite Fried Chicken Chunks Ice Cream, which always somehow manages to settle my stomach.
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On an absolutely unrelated note, I really love my Youth Group. I feel almost more at home there than anywhere, as corny as that sounds. I don't know why, because I pretty much despise all organized religion at this time in my life, but I really love my Youth Group. We get some cool kids there every once and a while too. This last Sunday when we were doing a free car wash in Downtown Atlanta, there was a girl who attends ballet school in New York and flies to Atlanta one Sunday every month to visit family. I asked her if she thought I would be a good ballet dancer, and she said yes. Then we made out.
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There was also an Exchange Student from Ecuador. I had a lot of fun talking to her in Spanish. (Even if she didn't.) She asked me in Spanish if I had a car. I told her that I did at one point, but I don't anymore. She asked me why. I replied, "UN MONO GIGANTE SE LO COMIÓ!!!" She laughed. Then I laughed. Then we made out.
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Morgan Freeman is coming to my school tomorrow. I'm so excited, I can feel it in my toes. It's sort of a tickling, prickly, warm sensation. Very enjoyable. I also saw him last Saturday afternoon. We had coffee--it was nice. He put his hand on my hand, and I looked into his eyes. Then we made out.
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Music for a Found Harmonium, by Penguin Cafe Orchestra
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Elenore, by the Turtles
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Cheers,
That Blond Guy

14 people secretly have a crush on me:

Adrienne said...

It seems that you made out with everybody but me and I(for some unknown reason -- maybe because you're blond, bisexual and underage --yes in that order)am starting to resent that.

And if I had to chose between dying and liking your blog..well I supposed I would like your blog (as "meat loves meat" - because that's just how I roll).

Boyd said...

I'm going to make an effort to end every story I tell tomorrow with "Then we made out."

If I can start them with "Now, on our way to the crackhouse..." I'll be all set...

Eeshie said...

WHY ARE YOU SO FREAKING FUNNY. My mom is sleeping five feet away from me, and I'm supposedly doing "spanish homework" on the computer, when I'm really reading your blog, and I keep snickering/chuckling and stifling my laughter every few seconds! GAH!

Anyway. How come you're making out with everyone BUT me? Ha ha, just kidding. No. I never said that. Shush. No one believes you. Keep quiet, my young child.

And I know you've put pictures of yourself up here before, but MY GOD. You still look nothing like how I expected you to look like! And I'm not sure what kind of image I had exactly in my head either...Well for one thing, your hair is a lot lighter than I imagined.

But other than that...

NO. NO, that is not fair! Why is Morgan Freeman going to your school? NOOO! Why? How did this happen? Tell him to come to my school! Then again, he might get shot.

Lexa Be said...

You're so... Blindingly white... *insert the blank expression one gets when they looked at the sun for a moment and have streaks across their eyes* all the captions for your pictures made me chuckle, and now my mom is seriously doubting my sanity. It doesn't help I'm staring at my iPod and giggling without explaining why.

I'm ever so slightly insulted, we've left each other comments and yet we still haven't made out! I would reconsider our friendship, however considering I've not made out with anyone, I'm not too bent out of shape about it.

Can you kindly put Morgan Freeman in a box and ship him to my school once you've finished making put with him? Thanks.
- Lexa Be

Furree Katt said...

you're so white, you're almost unreal :O
yay for aquariums! there isn't even one decent aquarium where i live. nor are there any totally cool people like you.
i went to a Drama Evening a few days ago, it was mindblowingly awesome. so much talent! it made me feel inadequate, somehow.

Kassandrah said...

Hey Christopher,
Can we make out?

Thats a serious offer.

Tegan said...

Your captions for those aquarium photos are hilarious! And I know what you mean, nearly all the people who took Art/Photography/Drama in my year are all completely uncreative and normal! It just.. IT SICKENS ME! I was talking to this guy about it... and then we made out.

Kay said...

They...they have Nutella ice cream!?

I love theater geeks! They're my absolute favorite. Well, even more so when they brush their hair. But you get what I'm saying.

Napoleon Dynamite song! Indie movie soundtracks for the win.

Lex said...

The fact that I can't separate the truth from the bullshit is the reason I will be coming back.


;)

findingMuse. said...

That's part of the reason I didn't take art; I was rather worried I would be with people who wouldn't take the art... Well... "Seriously," isn't the right word. I take few things I do "seriously." However, I didn't really want to be around people who took the course simply because they needed a credit, and would probably just... Irritate me.

Hence, I took theatre. I'm not sure I consider myself a total "theatre kid," 'cause I feel really awkward and inferior around people who've got as many as seventeen shows under their belt. I'm trying, though. And we're currently working on our Spring musical. Lotta sweat. Lotta stress. But it's worth it.

Give Kevin plenty of hugs from me, will you please?

You could know if that muscular Italian man is into men by stalking him around for the next several weeks and observing whether or not he makes out with other men or not. Or, if he is hopeless, by what sort of... Umm... Erotica he possesses. If he's not interested in that, then yeah, you need to make a move?

I'm easily sickened, too, though.

You should add a little half-Asian almost-no-longer-blogger girl to the list of people you've made out with. ;)

Bookish.Spazz said...

It seems as if most of the above commentors want to make out with you...

Personally, I only make out with witty, athletic, ethnic men who know how to treat a girl. Since you're not any of the aforementioned I think I'll pass on making out with you.

I like your aquarium pictures. They remind me of when I went to Mandalay Bay in Vegas :)

Oh yeah, have you ever thought of using bronzer?

RainboRevolver said...

So basically, your aquarium pictures made my soul smile. That whale shark is soooo cool! I am insanely jealous.

Also, we theater kids are pretty much ninjas. You're welcome.

And lastly, I don't know how you do it, but somehow in every picture I've ever seen of you on this blog, you manage to look incredibly stoic. Kudos, man, I can't pull that off.

Have a nice day.
Julia


Oh and will you take me to that aquarium some day? I wanna see a Totoro-shark!!

Smokey_Cat said...

I really appreciate people who 'do' theater. It's a real and very rare talent.

Oh, and I really liked the aquarium pictures, especially the the last one, the 'nerd fish' hahaah

;)

Eeshie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.