Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Angry Bumblebees and One Furious 13-Year-Old

Happy Easter-Was-Yesterday!!!

Some people I'd like to thank:

-Tuyen and the two bloggers she invited to join in the mutual ecstasy of The Nerd Archives.

-Lara, my beautiful fiance

-Alex Floyd: my ex-BFF who would be the second reason this blog isn't anonymous anymore, but fortunately he never reads my blogs! We love you, babes.

-All of my followers and friends and family watching back home

-Lizzie: Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Samantha: yep

-Phil from NY who hacked my gmail account. Actually, his name's not Phil. Phil is just a better name than "Unknown User." Imagine how he would be teased at school for that name.

On a different note, it's Spring--hurray! Hate to tell you, though, but Spring is a nightmare for nerds. I don't tan. I redden. I would get terminal skin cancer at a tanning booth before I became any less pale than Conan O'Brian. The sun kills us. The heat kills us. And the sight of so many happy people kills us.

Bumble bees are so protective of their flowers!!! Just like a tough guy from the ghetto might ruff you up for lookin' at his woman, bees swarm you if you get anywhere near their flowers. Those poor, frolicking, happy middle schoolers who want nothing more than to prance up to a lily to smell are far too often attacked by bees half way through the act. In fact, I was halfway through what I thought was a brilliant joke about the Wizard of Oz right after PE, but it ended horribly with me yelping as three bees landed on me.

"The Wizard of Oz had a tragic cast, didn't it? The tin man died of lead poisoning from his face paint a month after the movie was released. The aunt committed suicide. Judy Garland took drugs and then committed suicide. The Wicked Witch of the West melted to death--eek! Get these things off me!"

But the worst is the heat. It was 90 degrees at track practice yesterday, and therefore the hardest track practice I have ever endured. I cried, man, I cried.

How was everyone's Easter? Mine was pretty good. I woke at 4:25 to go the morning Easter vigil. And I was tied up with services the entire week as well. Thursday was Maunday Thursday. That means foot-washing. Which makes me a foot-washing Episcopalian.

Friday was the Good Friday service. It was good. For whatever reason, they served Italian bread at Communion. Most delicious religious mistake ever made.

Saturday was the pre-Easter service.

Sunday was Easter. I've been over that. Happy Easter, by the way. I got up at 4:25 to go to the service, which I liked a lot. Except at the beginning, when I was getting dressed to be an acolyte, (altar boy to you Catholics), one of the acolyte sat down on a really short stool, which made a funny squeaking sound. For whatever reason, I couldn't stop laughing for most of the service. For Easter dinner we had over a middle-aged couple from Church. Who happened to be lesbians. I'm not saying that as if it's important. Just...mentioning it.

Totally changing the subject, there is this one kid on the track team who I think was born to torture me. Worse, he's only thirteen. He walks up to me at random points during the day and tells me things like "I hate you. Everyone hates you." "Your life is a fail." "You're such a gay faggot." "You should go kill yourself." It's almost funny how blunt and mean he is. He walked over to our court while we were playing basketball before practice and started insulting me. I finally said, "You know, this court is full of ncie kids. You're lucky because these guys you see here happen to fight hate with love. You might hate on us, but we're just gonna love you tender."

You can imagine his remarks that followed that comment.

Keep posted for a post about the funniest comedian I've ever mentioned on this blog. Can't wait to show you some of his quotes.


0 people secretly have a crush on me: