Friday, April 30, 2010

The Nerd Archives 2: Revenge of the Obsessive Blog Author

You know one of my favorite things about being a nerd? My friends and I actually talk about interesting things. In order to be considered a member of most popular groups in middle and high school, you have to possess a certain level of masculine stupidity. You're not allowed to be too funny, too intelligent, or too interesting. However, the nerds--despite our numerous unlikable features--are almost always interesting. We always have something to say, partly because we spend a good deal of morning rehearsing what we're going to say today in front of the mirror.

But back to what I was talking about--we always talk about kind of interesting stuff. (I emphasize the phrase "kind of." We're still teenage guys, mind you.) I won't go into the details of what inspired this discussion or even I would lose respect for myself, but keep this in mind. Nerds are far more interesting to talk to.

And because this is a nerd blog, how about I tell you about one of my favorite nerd shows? Great idea, huh?


Chuck doesn't really sound like a nerd name, does it? More like the name of the gas station guy in a small town who breathes too much through his mouth. Or a tomboy from a 70's novella who wears her hair short and looks like a boy but ends up kissing Timothy Cook at the end of Chapter 36. Or an awkward clerk at a Best Buy type store on NBC.

I've seen all of the third season so far, and I'm watching everything before that from the beginning while I run on the treadmill. I have very little to complain about Chuck, but I do have that to complain: a little. My complaint is as follows: why did they settle the romantic tensions on only the third season of the show? Psych has kept it going for five seasons!

What romantic plot twists are they going to take now? There's nothing left for them to do with that! All the Chuck episodes are titled as "Chuck Versus the _________." They're going to have to start titling them "Chuck Versus the STDs" and "Chuck Versus the Low Sperm Count." Now Psych and Secret Life of the American Teenager are all I have to keep me going! Do I sound even remotely desperate to you?

I'm going to mention this and then let it drop as if nothing was ever said about it: I was hugged today by a near stranger at school. Awkward, but kind of funny when you know when to stop. It wasn't funny, because it WENT ON FOR THREE MINUTES!!! I felt so violated.

Totally switching gears, who wants updates on the back-of-the-milk-carton girl today? I have none. I have half a mind to call someone who goes to her school to see if she's still alive.

Totally switching gears again, (gee--I'm running out of gears), I have a request from you all today:

Honk once if you love Jesus. Honk twice if you love The Nerd Archives.

You know, I've kind of gotten the feeling that The Nerd Archives is like an epic poem. Ooh, I like it. Misunderstood but extraordinarly handsome battles for the freedom of the socially awkward and meanwhile battles his own emotions about the love of his life who is whisked off to another state she's scared of that fella. And the fella's nose is just a little too big...And he talks funny...And he doesn't turn out to be all that attractive after all...And maybe she didn't ever like him to begin with...And...And...

You know what? I don't like the sound of this epic poem. Let's do something else. Just keep up with the blog, got it?

Bye, guys!

3 people secretly have a crush on me:

thecircusbird said...

Honk! Honk!

That Blond Guy said...

Why, thank you.

By the way, I forgot to mention this in the post:

Usually I don't listen to Jeff Foxworthy because he has a Southern accent, but during one of his stand-up comedy acts, he said that he was driving on the highway when he saw a bumpersticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus." He honked just to see what would happen and the driver flipped him off.

I don't know if all the stories comedians tell are true, but I loved this one.


Becky Sipe said...

haha, nice blog.
thanks for the comment!

ps.. I added the widget, you can now follow :)