Anyone...Anyone...Bueller?

17 days without comments. Water supply almost empty. Self esteem running dangerously low. Other human bloggers nowhere in sight the past two and a half weeks. Motivation to blog dropping...dropping...dropping...

Boy, I thought I showed you great comedians in the last post. Check this guy out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAMIlPudalQ

Frank Caliendo. He is NOT human. Caliendo is like the David Blaine of comedians. He's so good that when you watch his material, you have to decide after every joke whether you're tickled or freaked out. Now in this video, he does a mediocre Seinfeld. But if you search on Youtube "Frank Caliendo future Seinfeld," and watch that video--once again, you WILL be freaked out.

The swimming unit is still going strong. There are still quite a lot of half-naked male teenagers running around whipping each other with towels, but what's new? I actually kind of enjoy the swimming unit. Water recharges me.

Water recharges me...

Water...recharges me!

I'm either Aquaman or Percy Jackson!!! Score! I gotta tell all the guys in the chess club and math team.

Hm...what else is new? Well, I'm having a might bit of trouble seeing my new female companion in person. It's been about three weeks. I can't believe it. I've suggested the unpleasant thought that fate is conspiring against us. Fate, or my parents.

Ooh, remember that pathetic crush I mentioned in the very first post? Well, she's moving to California. I felt guilty about ever being her secret admirer, actually. She's my sister's friend. And, of course, I'm me. But no longer a problem. She will be in San Fransisco checking out the tan California airheaded guys out of the corners of her eyes.

Heard of My Life is Average? I don't think I've ever shared my My Life is Average stories with this blog. I'll post a few of my favorites:

Today in class I smeared highlighter all over my forearm. I licked my thumb and started rubbing off the highlighter mark. As I looked up I saw eight pairs of curious eyes trained on me, including the teacher's. Someone finally asked, "What are you doing?" I answered, "Grooming." MLIA

Because I live so far from school, I have the ability to wake up on will (and, of course, at the sound of my alarm clock at 6 AM) engraved into my mind. Sometimes, however, I forget the alarm clock part. Five times in the last month, I've woken up at 2 AM, taken a shower, walked downstairs, and maybe even started making breakfast before I look at my watch. MLIA

I pride myself in giving donations, volunteering, and crying at the end of sad movies about orphans with cancer. Last week, while my brother and I were parked at the gas station, a bus full of--you guessed it--a dozen orphans rolled by our car. (The bus said the name of the orphanage in big smiling letters.) Every single orphan was giving us the finger. I shrugged and waved. I don't like orphans anymore.

Girl in my Social Studies class today: "What's Obama's last name?" Life would be more interesting if I was that stupid. MLIA

Thanks for reading, everybody. I'm still trying to think of an event I could host on this blog that would both attract readers and restore interest in The Nerd Archives. Some sort of contest in which everyone could post something here. There could even be a prize. Starbursts, maybe?

Give me your ideas if you have any. I'm willing to pay.

Bye.