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Saturday, October 8, 2011

I've Made Up My Mind, A Piano Piece I Just Composed, and Guords Look Like Penises

I think I've made up my mind. I am either a) going to murder this blog in the throat and then lick the blood off the knife after I'm done with it, b) going to taking a significantly lengthy hiatus from this blog which might not conclude until pigs fly (a matter of months I imagine), or c) just going to post a lot less frequently. I haven't decided which one yet, and I believe I might still stamp out a few more posts before it comes to that.

One thing I can guarentee--the last post on The Nerd Archives will be so bad-ass that you will suffer permanent damage to your retinas. You will openly weep for several hours, and then you will give birth to a baby you didn't even know you were pregnant with. Billions of people all over the world will fall on their knees to worship it. The sun will begin to revolve around it, and then the Universe will collapse in on itself.

Hopefully when I come back, if I do come back, I'll have written my book. I'm not going to tell you anything about it, I don't think. I probably don't have to tell you that it's insanely fucked up, either. I think that's the only thing that will keep the book going--just like it was the only thing that kept this blog going--to see how far I could take it.

Most importantly, I would love it if you guys would take a look at a YouTube video of the newest piano piece I've written, and I really think it's the best yet. (If I do say so myself.) Some of you really pianists might scoff at it, but I'm awful proud.

LOOK AT ME CLICK ON ME I'M A LINK HEY CHECK ME OUT I'M A LINK LA LA LA LA I'M JUST HANGING OUT HERE BEING A LINK WHY NOT DO ME A FAVOR AND MAKE MY LIFE A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING BY CLICKING ON ME YEAH COME ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO CLICK ME YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN KEEP THIS UP PLEASE I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS TO FEED.

If you missed that link, I suggest you check yourself in to a mental hospital. That, or join the Tea Party.

Onto my final and most important matter of business, here are a handful of pictures of guords that look like penises.


This one probably looks most like mine. Long, hard, and disturbingly orange.



This is what I've always imagined a politician's penis would like look like. I think politicians probably look a lot like their penises. Fat, pasty, and pinheaded.



What? You mean your penis doesn't look like this too?

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed that as much as I just did. Also, I just started thinking about the end of The Nerd Archives and I got sad because I'm going to be really sad to end the Nerd Archives. You guys better be too. You better be. And you better give me lots of long, juicy comments about how much you're going to miss me and how you've secretly loved me all along.

Finally, look at this picture of my cat and listen to the song Sex, Yeah by Marina and the Diamonds.



Do you think Oedipus Rex ever posted on FML?

Like, "Just killed my dad and banged my mom....FML."

I think so.

Finally, I might as well notify you there's one new poll on the top of the right sidebar. I think you'll enjoy it. At least, I will.

Movie Quote of the Day: "That's not fun. That's propaganda, man. All those Madison Avenue types telling you how to live your life. Fast cars, hot chicks... Reese's Pieces... Gucci... Werther's Original. I don't buy into that bullshit!" -Bobby, It's Kind of a Funny Story

Cheers,
That Blond Guy

18 people secretly have a crush on me:

Eeshie said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Eeshie said...

Oh
My
God.

I just watched your video. Actually no - I just had a stunned silence after watching your video. Seriously.

1) Your house is very pretty.

2) Your shirt color coordinates with your walls. Did you do that on purpose? If so, I LAUGH.

3) YOU ARE AN AMAZING PIANO PLAYER. That was so freaking good. I usually don't find self-composed pieces worthy of listening to but whoaaaaaa. I feel super corny saying this, but that was actually kind of beautiful. And the title of it fits perfectly.

DON'T LEAVE!

Cosette said...

LITTLE LINK I WILL SAVE YOU I WILL SAVE YOUR FAMILY BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ALL NONCHALANT YOU NEED TO FEED YOUR KIDS THEY WILL STARVE WITHOUT MY CLICK THEY WILL SO I WILL IGNORE YOUR LA LA LA AND YOUR SLANG AND I WILL TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND OH I WILL I WILL WORM MY WAY INTO YOUR LITTLE LINK HEART AND OUR FATES WILL BECOME INTERTWINED BECAUSE I WILL MARRY YOU OH WAIT YOU HAVE A WIFE HEY WHAT'S YOUR VIEWS ON POLYGAMY?

L. said...

If you leave I am going to miss you vair vair much, honest to Pete. You are a honestly funny person and your writing is brilliant. I'd love to read something of yours, story-wise, if you ever get the chance. It would so make my day. I loved your song, but the way. It was brillo-pads.

Gabi said...

THAT SONG WAS AWESOME. It reminded me vaguely of Moonlight Sonata, but it was more badass in some parts, and quieter in some parts. You're talented.

Those gourds exemplify why penises are gross. Girls will never be attracted to penises like guys are to boobs. Sorry.

YOUR CAT IS REALLY CUTE! I'm allergic to cats, but I think I'm going to apply to volunteer at a cat shelter anyway.

And, to satisfy your ego and because it's true, I will miss your blog. I may go through all of your old posts one by one, creepily. HAHAHAHA I totally wouldn't do that!
(Yes you would, Gabi.)

kbye.

Cosette said...

I will miss your blog. You should still talk to me - not in my mind, like the voices, for I mean *cough cough* that doesn't happen...
Yeah. Talk to me.

Also, your voice is oddly soothing.

Anna said...

OH SHUT UP, you know perfectly well that you're not going to post less frequently. You'll just disappear. GAH WHY IS EVERYONE LEAVING?

Okay, now that the rant is done, let's move on to the positives: the piece was WOAH OMG AWESOME. Seriously. I'm so picky about piano music I like (mostly because a lot of it is lame, but I'm a piano player so maybe I'm just jealous that they're better than me...ANYWAY), but this really rocked my socks off. I mean that in a good way. Blah, did I really just say rocked my socks off?

Anyway, we're going to miss you! BAAHHHH.

Cosette said...

Also, can you still not comment on our blogs?!
I need some love.

JayJay said...

What a beautiful composition. Plus, your cat looks hilarious.

I know what you mean about taking a hiatus. I always say, do what is best for you!

Take care.

Tegan said...

WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE!!! I look forward to giving birth to the baby I didnt know I was pregnant with though...

Oh and I accept your confession... You kinda look a bit like mike, so I'm ok with it...

Pixar <3

Tegan said...

WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE!!! I look forward to giving birth to the baby I didnt know I was pregnant with though...

Oh and I accept your confession... You kinda look a bit like mike, so I'm ok with it...

Pixar <3

Bookish.Spazz said...

I love Marina and the Diamonds!

And that song. And you. So don't leave.

But honestly, just do what you want. I don't want you to think that blogging is a chore. The best writing comes from WANTING to share.

Has anyone every told you that your piano style sounds like Dario Marianelli?

Kev D. said...

You're forgetting option #z), where you post many posts TALKING about how you will kill the blog or take a lengthy hiatus... wait...

Kay said...

If you leave I swear to god I'm going to find you and beat you senselessly with a banana.

And your piano piece nearly brought me to tears.

I suppose being a nice person I should support your choice to leave but I really will miss you dearly.

Jillian said...

CHRISTOPHER!!!!!
I decided that after being away for so long, it would surely behoove me to peruse the blogesphere.
But, I was wrong, horribly wrong. Now I just want to go and curl up in the corner with a blanket over my head and sob until my nose runs and my head hurt something awful.

How could you? After all we've been through?
That piano piece was what lovely is made of.

syed said...

hey i jst read ur blog...its awesome man with the video....i have follow u and its follow bck time...

chelsea said...

I love me some good penis.

That is the best FML I've seen in a long time. I think I will have to tweet that shit or something.

Abby said...

Oh nooo! I'm going to miss you so much if you leave! Are you still going to be lurking around, or are you cutting yourself off completely? I see the allure, though. I had to take a complete break from the Internet last week just to get schoolwork done. Writing hasn't even factored in yet, though it should.
Whether you decide to leave or stay, I wish you luck!
I'll buy your book. All of the copies. :)