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Friday, February 4, 2011

The Worst Feeling in the World and Why Am I So Obsessed with Romantic Comedies?

I think one of the worst feelings in the world is stepping out into the pouring rain, which usually makes you feel so strangely powerful and optimistic, only to glimpse the girl you love, or think you love, in the distance--sharing an umbrella with a guy in your English class who's slightly better than you at everything. She's laughing, he's wearing a smile bright enough to bring the sun back out, and they both look so happy together.

Arguably, the worst feeling in the world is actually being tortured by Russian mafia members shortly after recovering from a severe Coconut Blast Smoothie brain freeze. But the first one makes you feel pretty rotten as well.

Bad things from today: I lost both my sports coat and my school jacket, I had to suffer through a Varsity girl's basketball game followed by a boy's basketball game with a guy who was feeling depressed today, I got a handful more C's on some tests, and I got mugged and raped by a metrosexual polar bear. Good things from today: I finally talked to a really beautiful girl in my grade who I've been drooling after for the past month, we played powerball for the entire track practice today, it was raining, I finished my book and was not at all ashamed to cry, I've been listening a lot to the Black Lips, I recently found out that Billy Crystal is actually my uncle, and I just watched Flipped.

I have no idea what's happened to me. If someone had told me two years ago that I would later love romantic comedies, I would have pushed him to the ground, kicked him in the ribs, and then cut off a lock of his hair to keep on my beside table and smell every night before I went to bed. But I really do--I love romantic comedies. Only good ones, though. Flipped is directed by Rob Reiner, the same guy who directed When Harry Met Sally. This movie made me both sad and happy. Happy because it's a romantic comedy set in the 50's with middle school kids, and sad because I know it's likely that I might not ever meet a girl who is "truly iridescent," in the words of Brice's grandfather.

I know I came up with that list a few months ago about what my dream girl would be like. But all I could really ever ask for in a girl would be that she reminds me to look at the stars every night. That she can choose the right words to describe a beautiful sunset, and that she would never miss an opportunity to help a person in need and never hesitate to stand up for what's right. That her head is always in the clouds, and she can tell what a person is like by looking in their eyes.

And also, she would have enormous breasts.

AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE WEEK: There's this friend of mine who can play the song Yesterday on the harmonica. He'd been playing it all day today, and Yesterday was stuck in my head. So when I saw a couple of my friends walking to the bus stop, I jogged to catch up with them. I said hello, and immediately began to sing the song Yesterday. I had been singing for about half a minute when one of them grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop. It was then that I noticed the other one was crying.

As I later found out, the one who had been crying broke up with his girlfriend that day. And my other friend who pulled me to the side must have been comforting him or something, and I had just waltzed up to the two and started singing,

"Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday."


Not the best song to sing to someone who has just broken up with their girlfriend. I was horrified and had to track him down later to tell him I was not making fun of him. It was also at this time that I told him the reason his girlfriend broke up with him was because I slept with her last Saturday at a really wild party, and she is now pregnant with little Indian-American blonde babies.

As a side note, I've been cyber-bullied by a lesbian David Bowie fan on YouTube for the past week or so, and I'm feeling very insecure right now.

I love you all so much. Promise you'll never leave me?

Cheers,
That Blond Guy

17 people secretly have a crush on me:

Kay said...

I became very concerned when you were describing all that you could ask for in a girl. I began to wander into a serious state of mind and I was in desperate need of some sarcasm.

P.S. I promise I'll follow this blog until the internet runs out <333**;;

Shenge said...

I can imagine the feeling. It'd burn like hell.

As for that awkward moment, that probably ranks right up there. Did your friend take your apology?

tegan said...

Ah sucks you were having a bad day... and romantic comedies are the best, you would so love Eagle vs Shark, that thing that I blogged... and the Pipe Society is so secret, if I told you I'd have to kill you.

Look after your Indian American babies...

Mandy Thomas said...

I just woke up five minutes ago so now I'm going to think about you all day.
:)

Nicolas Lopez said...

Romantic comedies are the best! Even when they're terrible

RainboRevolver said...

Ok I'd like to note the Belle and Sebastian/500 Days of Summer quote in your last post made me smile.

I hate having bipolar when good things and bad things have a contest to see who can fuck with your life the most. Sorry you had a bad day.

RainboRevolver said...

Bipolar days* not the disorder heh.. although sorry if you have that too..

Bookish.Spazz said...

Big breasts are overrated. It's hard to find good supportive bras, and people tend to shun you when you walk out in public without one...

If you were a girl, or perhaps a morbidly obese man you would understand.

Besides the aformentioned, your perfect girl sounds like my best friend Rebekka, but she has a tall dark and ok looking boyfriend who often channels Keanu Reeves when angry... and he plays soccer.

But I digress, sorry about your bad day. On the bright side, at least you're not a Burmese political prisoner. :)

Shay said...

I watched Flipped! It was a 'truly iridescent' movie.

Of course I won't leave, or at least not in the near future.

Eeshie said...

:O Lucky! I wanted to see that movie SO bad, especially since I've read the book twice.

Aww :-(
Was your friend mad at you?

Boyd said...

I agree...romantic comedies are awesome! Although I haven't seen Flipped, I'll have to discretely drop its name next time my mother is trying to find one to watch...

I know your pain concerning the Yesterday thing...I tend to spend life with my foot in my mouth.

I'll never abandon your blog!!

Red Sunshine said...

hahah romantic comedies are pretty awesome

rose said...

did you report the polar bear to the police?

because i saw one today, looking at a passing penguin in a pretty shifty way. coincidence? i doubt it.

Lexa Be said...

I love romantic comedies. They're my midnight crack, well, when I'm not blogging/stalking other people's blogs/being stupid on facebook. I think one of my favorites is 27 dresses. What can I say? I like when the guy has a way with words.

It's kind of weird that you're mildly describing me with what you want in a girl... go be a little more descriptive so I can feel like you're not looking over my shoulder haha.

I hate awkward moments like that. At least you fixed it?

- Lexa Be

Kassandrah said...

I feel like I NEED to meet you one day.

schriekenberg said...

i've literally watched so many romantic comedies that i can predict the character's lines word for word.

yet i keep watching.

Mischief Managed said...

That is awkward. I just legit laughed out loud.