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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Ramune Noodles and Rabbis with an Unhealthy Obsession with the TV Series Jersey Shore

Today is Day 5 of my withdrawal from Flipped. My symptoms have included unresponsiveness, moodiness, irritation at squeaky noises, suicidal thoughts, and tendency to mutter "Julie?" whenever in the presence of a pretty girl. I've also been listening to a lot of 50's and 60's music, but who can really blame me for that?

You may be wondering why I'm feeling so depressed after watching a coming-of-age film with a happy ending, but you wouldn't understand unless you were as lonely as I am. Happy movies make me just as sad as sad movies, except it's even worse because I fall in love with them and have difficulty living without them. They're like a drug for me. I can't go on for half an hour without thinking about them and then starting to cry and passing it off as "Eye-Stinginess Disease" when I get weird looks from classmates. I think Flipped, though, has been my most serious case of this problem since 500 Days of Summer. Which was pretty close to a psychotic breakdown for me. I still twitch every time someone mentions the movie The Graduate.

Over the weekend I was sending letters to a handful of authors as I do sometimes, (Jamie Ford replied!!!) and, in the spur of the moment, I even sent a letter to Madeline Carroll, who played Julie in Flipped and also starred in Swing Vote. I just sent the typical fan letter, you know. I told her about how I sometimes have sexual fantasies about her dressed up as a lion tamer and I'd be the lion--and also about how we were made for each other and I am her destiny and if she tries to counter fate, very bad things will happen. I don't know why I sent her a letter, because I know she's not Julie Baker. I know that. Madeline Carroll wears heavy eyeliner and listens to Justin Bieber. But, I have to admit, part of me was hoping Julie Baker would respond.

Did you guys watch the Superbowl? I had money on the Steelers, even though I don't watch football. Ever. At all. (I had to come up with a mnemonic device to remember which teams were playing.) I thought the commercials were disappointing, and the Half-Time show was pretty awful. I hate the Black Eyed Peas more than I hate black eyed peas, and their singing was just wretched. It was like they didn't even have microphones. Don't get me wrong--I like Fergie's body. I just don't like her music.

In other news, I got my first ever F. I've gotten D's before, and I've gotten my share of C's. But this was my first ever F on a test. It was a 58. God, that's such an awful number. It rhymes with "thrifty Kate." I broke down the minute I got the test back and started crying right then and there. I threw a tantrum, banging my little fists on the desk and swearing I wouldn't stop screaming unless one of the girls in the class gave me a kiss.

I also saw the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind over the weekend. Fantastic cast, and a very intriguing movie. The entire concept of the movie was very unique, and I wasn't bored for a single moment of it. Jim Carrey's role in it was different from his typical role, which I thought was interesting. It was strange to see Kate Winslet in it, though, as such a bizarre character. Blue hair, ADHD, and hoodies? I kept expecting her to turn to Jim Carrey and say "I do believe you're blushing, Mr. Big Artiste."

How are you guys? Did you miss me? If you had the choice, would you marry me?

What's your favourite colour?

Cheers,
That Blond Guy

14 people secretly have a crush on me:

Abby said...

Red. Wait, orange. Maybe blue. Shit!

Shenge said...

I know what you mean about how you feel after watching movies like that... it's been happening to me lately, I'm ashamed to admit. Sick of being single, that's all I can say.

Eeshie said...

There's always one particular line from your posts that makes me crack up. Today's line was this:

"It rhymes with "thrifty Kate."

I just exploded. I could not hold it in.

In other news, I hate football as well. I never watched it. Who watches football when there's other things to do, like... um...WRITING! <3

What subject was this F in? And DO NOT WORRY. I'm a straight A student, and I got a 56 on one particular math quiz. I thought it would bring my grade down, but my average for that marking period turned out to be 96%. So DO NOT WORRY. It happens to everyone :)

Of course I missed you. I kept my computer on at all times, constantly checking if you posted something. And, when I went to school, I hired people to check FOR me whether or not you posted. And when you didn't post, I started crying because I thought you were dead. Then, I saw your new post, and I broke out singing, "Hallelugiah."

And here I am.

RainboRevolver said...

I'm not the marraige type, but we could definitely have some long-standing affair in a foreign country ;) and yellow.

I love that you constantly referrence good movies in your posts.

Boyd said...

I feel that way after every movie about love...even ones that have it as a subplot.

For example, the 6th Harry Potter movie left me feeling totally devastated, despite the fact the romance in it was a small subplot.

Ohhh no...I feel I've revealed too much now...

Red.

Mischief Managed said...

Sure, I would marry you. I think we already have plans. And children. Don't we? And my favorite color has to be either lilac or aquamarine.

Lexa Be said...

I'm fantastic, and yourself?

My favorite color today happens to be hot pink.

I would marry you if we can get married in Canada. Why? Not really sure, but it sounds fun.

Loved the post :)
-Lexa Be

Shay said...

My favourite colour would be pink. And i completely agree with you on the half time show! The Black Eyed Peas sucked! But whatever.

Of course I missed you! How couldn't I?

Smokey_Cat said...

You seem in an usually sad mood today, but it's likewise- I think it's just the alignment of the planets going on.

I can say that cause I am a Libran,like you!

Furree Katt said...

i missed you! i keep on making these mental notes to watch the movies that you recommend. but i always forget.
my favourite colour is orange.
by the way! i changed my blog URL. it's now http://furreekatt.blogspot.com/

Bookish.Spazz said...

Let me just say that if you have romantic movie withdrawals NEVER, and I mean NEVER watch Pride and Prejudice (the Kiera Knightly version) or Amelie. Or even My Blueberry Nights.

NEVER. I watch those movies constantly.

And I'm afraid that unless your part of an ethnic group, or even a ginger we can never be married. Which is a shame because...

I don't know, I can't come up with a decent reason.

TEAL. This color best displays my assets.

-Sam. said...

Always bet your money on the underdog.

-Sam.

Jillian said...

CHRISTOPHER!
My gosh.
Remember me? Will you always remember me?
Even now, when you have a thousand girls commenting on your every blog post? Oh come on, I've been here from practically the beginning of time...
Sorry, that would be considered a display textbook Jillian drama.

The Black Eyed Peas are musical pagans.
They disgust me.
Did you notice how most of the songs they (dare I say) "performed" were covers?

The commercials, which are pretty much the only reason I watch football, were pathetic.

Love songs depress me.
Oh, and 10 Things I hate about you depresses me too, because Heath Ledger is dead, and they are beautiful together.

I wish the actors were their characters.

tegan said...

ooh I know what you mean, I got that after I finished the reading the books 'A Series Of Unfortunate Events' ... I WANTED THEM TO BE REAL, all I could think of was them...

i hope you got that kiss!
if I didn't have Mike, if I lived in the US then yes. I WOULD MARRY YOU!