Excuse Me, Does This Rag Smell Like Chloroform To You?

Arguably one of my favourite rude pick-up lines in existence, right after, "Wanna have sex while we eat pizza?" (Girls gives disgusted look.) "What's wrong? Don't like pizza?"

Since I know I've been keeping all of you on the edge of your seats for the past few days or so since my last post, I'm going to go ahead and tell you that I didn't give the girl the poem. I walked into school on Valentine's Day with every intent of giving it to her (the poem, not my virginity), but the moment I saw her, I was filled with terror. I got so nervous, I crumpled up the poem and ate it. Then I ate the carnation I was about to give her as well. Since then, everyone at school has been calling me "Goat Boy" and bringing me empty coke cans to eat, so I really need your moral support.

As I predicted, it was a pretty disappointing Valentine's Day. It was a day like any other, pretty much, although I did get a flower...from the leaders of my peer leadership group. At the end of the day, though, I went to my locker and found a Valentine from one of my sister's friends, which cheered me up a bit. Not very much, though, since he's a guy. But it's still good to feel attractive.

Fact: I've never been to a concert or traveled outside the United States.

Last Saturday was actually a pretty fun day. I went to an Academic Team tournament, which is always nice for me because there are oftentimes loads of donuts. Plus, nerds are always way more interesting to talk to than other teenagers, as long as they're not talking about Anime, video games, or their very limited understanding of sex. Saturday night I went to a fund raiser at my Church where we babysat kids for five hours while their parents went on a date for Valentine's Day weekend. Not remarkable, but there was one 8-year-old kid who could dance like Michael Jackson. He was pretty sweet. I'm still not positive that he's not Michael Jackson.

VOTE ON MY NEW POLL!!! I actually have a productive question to ask this time. And you guys can be pretty bad about voting on polls sometimes. Just sayin'. It's so easy. Just scroll up and click once on the answer that best fits your opinion. Are you really just sitting there for nine minutes thinking to yourself, "Hm...Who would I rather sleep with...Scarlett Johansson or the lady rabbit from Bugs Bunny? I can't decide. I don't think I can vote on this poll."

I'm listening to the Band of Horses right now. They're so awesome. If they were jelly beans, they would most likely be my favourite-flavoured jelly beans.

You know that girl I wrote the poem for a while back? Not the one I mentioned in the last post, but the one I wrote "Such Blue Eyes" for? If all goes well, I'll be going to the movies with her, a couple of her friends, and a couple of my friends either this weekend or next. Then again, she might have accepted my friend's invitation to go out with us as a joke--as if to make fun of us. But maybe that means she would have sex with me as a joke too.

Has anyone else here come up with a name for their private parts?

I've been making a lot of sex jokes in the post. Like, more than usual. I think it's because I've been eating a lot of red velvet Yoplait yogurt lately. Although it tastes more like strawberries and pistacchios, it reminds me of red velvet cake. And red velvet cake gets me into these certain moods because I start thinking of hot Russian lady spies. I don't know why, but it just always comes to mind. Am I weirding you out?

Golda, do you love me?

Cheers,
That Blond Guy