Saturday, September 4, 2010

I Don't Need You! I Can Be Happy by Myself!

I am in a terrific mood this 12 noon on a Saturday day. I mean euphoric. I mean as good as the morning when Bill Murray woke up in bed with Andie McDowall at the end of Groundhog Day. I feel fantastic.

Why should I feel fantastic, one might ask. Well, little boy with mousey hair and developemental disabilities, there are many reasons why I shouldn't feel so ecstatic today. My blogs are getting so little traffic it's almost funny, but not quite. I have a huge load of homework over the weekend. My supposed Ex-girlfriend has been totally ignoring me for the past fortnight for a reason I don't know because she refuses to talk to me. Academic Team is a little tough on me, because I know so little about anything except art and literature. Homecoming is a month away, and most of the girls I planned on asking are already taken. We still can't figure out how to recover the files on my computer, and I've just been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.

Why am I so happy, then? Maybe it's because that enormously malignant tumor in my head is fiddling with my prefontal cortex. Or maybe it's because I just found out that my dad has the White Album from The Beatles, which includes I'm So Tired. Or because it's a three-day weekend. Or because I just found out that I get to go on a Church retreat this year after two years of missing it. Or because I was forced to saw off a Ken Doll's legs for an English project and am now at liberty to use them in any sort of art I like. Or, that's about it.

The point is, look on the bright side. Instead of complaining about the fact that your father is an alcoholic, consider how lucky you are that he'll be too drunk to care that you stole his car last night. Instead of wondering why we just enlisted more troops for a pointless war in Afghanistan, feel good about yourselves for withdrawing troops from eight pointless years in Iraq. Instead of falling into depression because you have a brain tumor, be grateful that you have two amputated Ken Doll limbs in your possession.

Look on the bright side of life.

My head hurts.

0 people secretly have a crush on me: