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Monday, September 6, 2010

Rollerblading Accidents and an Abating Nerd Revolution

Hello, all. How are you today? I'm decent, thanks for asking, although the combination of a pounding headache and the knowledge that I have a brain tumour the size of a billiard ball in my cranium is making me violent and irritable. I would vent about it through my writing, but I chose instead to take it out on my cat so as to not bother you all. You're welcome.

Yesterday I went rollerblading and had my first "accident." It happened very fast, but slowly at the same time--like getting knocked unconscious or losing your virginity. I was trying to speed up, for I was about to go up a hill. Considering I'm not a great skater, I had a bit of difficulty, so I suppose I was spreading my feet too far. Then I was leaning forward a bit much. I was going faster and faster and eventually I realized, hey, that's funny--my feet are higher than my head. What are they doing up there? Then I glanced at the ground bemusedly only to find it was inches from my nose. I stuck my arms out only to discover that the sky was upside down and I was feeling quite sore. It was as though I had grabbed fistfuls of the world and tugged it down with me like a blanket.

Oh, I was perfectly fine. Fortunately, my brother was biking right behind me. Unfortunately, all he said to me was "Get off the road!" before zooming off. I had no choice except to hop up and skate back to the car. To my disappointment, after taken inventory on body parts, the only injuries I had were a scraped knee and a couple of fingers bleeding freely. The worst thing that came out of it was that I had torn my jeans.


But I wasn't going to let this get to my head. I had survived a crash. I had tasted death and it tasted good. I was somewhat above everyone else. I was a daredevil. An adrenaline junkie. A hell-raiser. I was...cool.

If anyone of you normal people want to know what it's like to have a near-death experience, I can't help you. You wouldn't even understand. I'll just tell you this, I hope you never have to experience anything like it.

So that's what's on my mind recently, especially considering I'm having trouble typing this post because my hand is so hard to move. Sexy, right? Oh, and something else....

I gave birth to The Nerd Archives nearly a year ago. I did it naturally and without medication, and I did it with hope in my heart. I had as much thirst for revolution as the Communists in Russia and the gays in San Francisco. I'm sure you all decided to follow this blog with the same fervor and excitement.

What's happened since then, guys? I hardly talk about being a nerd anymore and I barely hear a peep from my readers! I need support and you need a true, socially awkard leader. Let's face it, we all need each other. I, though, especially need more comments and followers! What? I'm insecure is all. Look at the number of comments in the past few months. 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 3, 1, 0, 0.... It looks like the percentage of citizens in each state who voted for Ron Paul in the 2008 election.

Ah, well. I am but a walking shadow, and turn the other cheek when someone slaps you. I think Karl Marx said that once. Can't be too sure.

Bye!

59 people secretly have a crush on me:

Krista said...

I may or may not have had a near-death experience. Once I recall a moment where my heart nearly stopped in fear and I was thinking "I'm gonna die!!"...though I can't place when, where, or how, so it obviously wasn't life-altering.

I found your blog just a little while ago. It is brilliant. So, I just wanted to say you have at least one loyal minion--er, follower.

Keep posting. (And being a nerd. 'Cause only nerds can give birth to blogs as awesome as this.)

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