Thursday, September 23, 2010

T-Shirts That Sell Themselves and Why Am I Still So Damn Irritable?

In case you didn't read about the drug bust at my school on The Chin Scratcher, well--I can't help you. Just read The Chin Scratcher post.

It's really all very tragic, I know. And, to my own surprise, I think it's been somewhat "tramautic" for me. Not to the extent that I lock myself in my room all day and cry my eyes out, but I'm just as freaked out about this as most other kids at my school. To know that kids who used to say "hey" to me in the halls are now in juvenile detention for dealing drugs is just impossible to register right now.

It's all very strange how lightly some people are taking it, though. People who were supposedly best friends with the guys involved are at school laughing and gossiping as though this was something we all heard on NPR.

On a different note, I do have good news! I've designed a t-shirt that's selling like crazy at school right now:

I Got Expelled from School for
Dealing Drugs on Campus and
All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt?

Good, huh? Yeah, business is fantastic.

Another important thing I have to tell you today: never be nice to new kids at your school. I have two examples that support this statement:

1) Two years ago, a kid at my school was expelled for beating another kid to the ground with his belt. Let's say his name is Scott Herring. So he was expelled and we haven't heard from him since. Neither my brother nor I have ever seen him or known what he looks like.

My brother was sitting at lunch with a few friends, when he spotted a lonely, scrawny kid sitting at another table all by himself. He goes over to sit with him and strikes up a conversation. After a point, the kids says, "You know, my friends are all getting some food from the salad bar. I'm not eating by myself or anything." And my brother thinks, This poor kid has to make up lies to make himself sound cool. Poor guy.

So he keeps talking to him for another few minutes. After a point, he realizes he hasn't even asked the kid his name. So he says, "What's your name?" And the kid answers
"Scott Herring."

And as doom settles like a dark cloud over my brother, all of the kids' friends really do return from the salad bar. They're all the most popular kids at school, kids who have never acknowledged my brother's existence. My brother stays for another thirty seconds or so before retreating to his old table.

We later found out that he had applied to come back to our school during the summer and had gotten re-admitted. Frightening coincidence.

2) There was this new kid on the first day of school who looked like he didn't know anybody. I introduced myself, told him a bit about my school, and all that. He seemed like a kind of shy, awkward kid. By the name of, let's say, Cameron Mills.

Flash forward two weeks. He already has more friends than I've made during my entire time at this school. The girls love him and he's already very active in clubs and sports. He hasn't said anything to me since the second day of school.

Flash forward another two weeks. I've finally mustered the courage to ask the girl of my dreams to go to Homecoming with me. I'm preparing to corner her just after homeroom, when one of her friends join her. Her friend says, "So who are you going to Homecoming with?" My dream girl replies,
"Cameron Mills."

I'm gonna kill that kid.

But speaking of Homecoming, I've actually decided to go to the Homecoming dance even without a date. I'm going with a bunch of friends who are going to be wallflowers with me, so I guess it's not going to be too terrifying.

Who am I kidding? I'm terrified.

On a different note, I'm really sorry I've been flipping out so much on The Nerd Archives recently. That last post was especially harsh. You know that person who I mentioned several posts ago who has really been making me angry for the past few weeks? I manage to forget her in real life, but every time I log onto The Nerd Archives to write a post, all the fury just comes right back. I have a problem.

Catch you guys later. Pray for me about the Homecoming Dance. Yes, I'm serious.

That Blond Guy

0 people secretly have a crush on me: