I Met a Goddess Today: She Had Braces

Welcome, my beloved nerdlings. You've decided to embark on a journey with me today, a journey of not only sight and sound but of mind. You have entered...The Twilight Zone.

Surprised I didn't make a nerd spin-off on that? So am I. Nothing clever came to mind. Sorry.

Now I thought I might mention to you some notable events of the last few days to you. That okay? Sure it is.

First of all, when I say "notable," I mean notable to me. I'm a nerd, you have to remember. Anything and everything is notable to me. Literally. That's barely a joke. My social skills are so limited, I get confused about what's okay for conversation and ehwat's not. Sometimes I might really slip up. For example, say I'm at school and some friends of mine are talking about a party they had last weekend:

Friend of Mine #1: Ha, remember when you chugged three cans of Coke Zero and then ran like twenty laps around the house wearing a that chick's bikini?"

Friend of Mine #2: That was hilarious. And remember when that other kid started up a game of underwater strip poker in the swimming pool?

Me: Yeah, and remember when your uncle drove you there in a silver minivan, dropped you off and said "Be back by ten." You were wearing a Gap hoodie, jeans, and Nike tennis shoes. Remember that? And remember how you walked up to the door, knocked three times and rang the doorbell once? And how they answered the door and you said "Hello" and they said "Welcome"? That was funny. Remember all that?

Maybe I'm exaggerating just a little bit, but I'm sure you get the point.

SOME NOTABLE EVENTS FROM THE LAST FEW DAYS:

1. On Sunday, I sat next to a family at Church who had a two-year-old son with Down Syndrome. The kid is totally adorable. Almost too adorable. He is also endlessly energetic. He yells all the time during the service. During Communion, he ran away from his parents and came to our pew. After examining me (close-up) for about five minutes, he then proceeded to dive behind my parents to take a short nap on our pew. It was pretty funny.

2. Also on Sunday, my brother had a genius idea. If he ever does get a cell phone, (believe me, though--he won't), he's going to keep his phone in a really big black bag. And then he's going to set his ring tone so that it's the recording of a baby crying. What do you think will happen when someone calls him? Do the math.

3. While driving to school today, one of the kids in our carpool boards the car with a shoe box in his hands. Somebody asks, "What's in the shoe box?" He tells them. It's a live lobster.

4. I saw a bunny rabbit in our backyard during dinner tonight!!! I only glimpsed it before it bounced off, but it was a surreal experience. I love our backyard.

5. I went to a cook-out last Saturday. I'm friends with nerds, so this was a get-together mostly for nerds, I'll have you know. Yeah, we played basketball and video games--(bleh), but we also watched The Matrix and played ping pong. But believe me when I say this--nerds can get pretty crazy too when they're around good friends. I took my shoes off at the beginning of the cook-out and left them on the basement floor. When I came back, one was behind the TV and the other was in a popcorn-making machine.

6. Today I saw an impossibly beautiful girl. I would say "The most beautiful girl in the world" but I'm not one for hyperboles. Believe me when I say this: she was stunning. I saw her in the halls about two hours after school. Just me and her. I literally--literally sighed when I saw her. My male instincts almost sprung into play, but then I hit a speed bump: how do you impress a girl who you just met in the halls? If I was a girl, I would drop my books and see if she would help me pick them up. (If I was a girl and I did that, I would also be a lesbian.) But I honestly couldn't do anything at all. Nothing. It was infuriating. I would have liked to extend a hand for her to shake and then say "Excuse me, but I think you're beautiful." Yeah, that kind of stuff only works in your head.

So, alas, I couldn't do anything. I saw her for about fifteen seconds and then she was gone. Gone. All gone. As I said before, I sighed. Then she left. So I sighed, gasped, and then groaned. God, she was so beautiful. Don't tell me why I think so. She had braces. Short. Brunette. Wow.

I think she was a year younger than me, because I didn't recognize her from my grade. But she was just so striking, I couldn't help but mention her.