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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Bieber Fever

Everyone has a celebrity who makes them clench their fists and growl at random times. Most would choose Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Tom Cruise, Simon Cowell, Mel Gibson, or Voldemort. I don't have a problem with any of these people, largely because they are all considerably attractive.

Justin Bieber is my personal example. Although he does possess an adorable and boyish charm that might make...some...find him attractive, overall his general characterists override his...beauty.

Why am I furious at Justin Bieber? Is it because I'm insanely jealous of him? No! Not completely! It's because I sent him eleven letters asking him for a signed autograph. I even drew borders of tiny little hearts on all of them. You know how many he answered? None!

Most importantly, it makes me angry that such a hit celebrity could be so clueless!

I ask only two things of all celebrities: a tragic autobiography and a decent sense of humor. He has produced neither.

Watch these two interviews with Justin Bieber and you'll see what I mean...

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

JUSTIN BIEBER'S PROUDEST MOMENT: Um, that would have to be when he used the word "basically" in the second interview. I think that really blew the minds of his fans, who are typically nine to sixteen-year-old girls who have a smaller English vocabulary than the average foreign-exchange student.

And you know what's crazy? He applied to go to my school! I don't know whether he made it or not, but he's not going. I can tell he would have gotten a lot of attention from girls and a lot of clenched fists from guys.

One last thing I have to share with you:

SNL: Teacher

Conditioner. That's the point of no return for a teenage male celebrity. Using conditioner.

What is it about him that makes insecure women and teenage girls all over the world fall in love with him? Is it the fact that he flips his hair every four seconds as though to make sure it's still awake? Is it that he's still young enough to watch Phineas and Ferb? Is it that his music is like a surreal blend of Justin Timberlake and Dora the Explorer? Is it that...that...

Look what I've done. I've made myself fall back in love with him.

Thanks for reading.

4 people secretly have a crush on me:

Alex said...

Hey! He kind of sounds like a little kid being interviewed by an adult in the first one. He has a lot of those mannerisms. But I kept waiting for her to ask about "So you're obviously not into girls. What about guys?" ah, until next time.

That Blond Guy said...

I know! Does he not sound like the typical fifth grader? He used the word "beast" as an adjective! That deserved to stay in fifth grade!

Ha. Sorry. Bad luck, my friend.

And thank you for commenting. The Nerd Archives has satisfied its longing for Alex. It is now grumbling contentedly.

Sarah Jean said...

Thanks for commenting! You should try knitting some time - the basic stuff really isn't that hard once you get the hang of it. And it's another nerdy hobby to add to your arsenal. What could be better?

Samantha Reed West said...

We had a poster of Justin Beiber at camp.
-one morning, it became our dart board.
-then our basketball.
-and well, now, he lies in the trash bin.

-Sam.