CODE RED!!!

Empathize with me for a moment or a long time...

Imagine what it would be like if everyone in the same room as you knew exactly when you were feeling remotely uncomfortable, embarrassed, or guilty. Every time more than four pairs of eyes or so are trained on you, the temperature in the room spikes oh so conveniently. Every spot on your body itches. The room is literally tinged slightly, slightly, slightly, slightly red. You're disoriented by suffocating embarrassment as well as woozy confusion. And to top it all, some smart-A shouts out way too confidently, "Look! He's turning red!"

Oh! The woes of being white! I have diagnosed blushing. Yes, there are prescription drugs and personal trainers for it, but it's still a pressing issue. When too many people look at me or I don't know what to say when talking to someone, I have been generously granted three options by God and genetics:

A. Blush as though I was a 400-pound man having just run three miles.
B. Stutter
C. Both!

A fellow thin-skinned friend described it as "like your body getting all red and hot, excessive blushing." Not exactly poetic, but it's all too familiar.

And this, my friends, has earned me a one-way ticket to the Wondrous World of Nerds.

Thanks for reading. Help me.